Motherhood: This is hard...

The last few weeks have been hard. I mean lost sleep, way too much yelling, and tears after bedtime hard. I lost my cool so many times I can't count and all of me would like to hide under my sheets until I can pull myself together. Sometimes this parenting thing really throws you some curveballs and you can't dodge or catch them fast enough. 

 

Last week Mike and I sat down and spoke with Kai's teacher and the PreK director in regards to preparing him for Kindergarten. There were concerns about his ability to self regulate and if he may be too young to really adjust to the structure of the actual classroom setting. Truthfully the feedback was helpful, though my momma heart was so torn and broken as I felt I missed the mark. I kept thinking how did I not see this? Have I been too lenient and passive? What do I do now? And I beat myself up. Blaming what I felt was a stamp or label (which it was not) on our son....and my job as his mom. I cried. I ugly cried. Did I say I cried?

Everything inside of me wanted to quit motherhood for the next several days. But I knew I needed to really get my head straight and see what was what. When you hear "negative" or unpleasant things especially about your children it can overshadow any truth. All of the sudden you think it's ALL bad and it's ALL over, when it's probably not. So I took a mental break and this past weekend I did some rearranging. I received several helpful tips to better prepare myself and Kai for next year along with developing a structure and expectations that are conducive without overwhelming him at home (I'd love to share my 3 favorites):

 

1. Get Creative in Learning your kid's learning style: Though every child learns differently, knowing how your child learns makes you a stronger advocate. You can share and provide tips when working with your child's teacher. It's great to know and verbalize your kid's needs, because they are one of many in a class (not bad, just reality). Trying flash cards, art projects, interactive apps, videos, and games help you gauge what your child leans towards in comprehending content. I'm noticing that Kai does very well with all of those and I'm still learning more!
2. Have a learning time in your schedule: It's okay to carve a specific time in your day and/or week that's dedicated to learning and academic growth. I have shied away from this in efforts to not "overwhelm Kai," but he has eaten up our 10-15 minutes a day of skill work. We started off with 5-7 minutes as his attention span was a concern and are close to 10-15 now! I time it as I know he will be required to maintain focus for that long with a few breaks in between.
3. Find Resources!: From Pinterest to Target and even ALDI I've found awesome skill workbooks and ideas that have been so helpful. It has also taken the pressure off of having to come up with it all. I will be sharing my favorites soon! 

In my fear and lack of knowledge in how to engage Kai academically I almost missed a new side of connecting with him. I'm really grateful that asking other moms, educators, and being able to see the recommendations for him from the school have turned into a positive situation for all of us. Wish us well as I navigate this with him. He is so bright and amazing I want him to always know that.

Weekend Adventures: Great Eats & Sweet Moments

 

Finding quaint places to eat and new adventures have become our thing, and it's great to enjoy it with Kai and Titus as well. I am convinced that the best places to eat are sometimes the hardest to find! And being able to try new things always makes for new memories and great weekends.

This past Saturday we were invited to try The Secret Garden with a friend of ours. I've heard about it and the dining experience, but just never found the time to make it. The restaurant is located in Old Town Occoquan here in Woodbridge, VA. It's most certainly hidden, only providing a hanging sign to its entrance. 

 

But my oh my is it fantastic! The food was absolutely incredible and the service was outstanding. I tried the salmon burger (trying to eat healthier...most days) while the boys ate fresh blueberries with chicken and fries. Did I mention they have a children's menu and all of their ingredients are fresh?!? We all had such a wonderful time amongst the peaceful and semi quiet (my kids were quite entertaining) environment. 

 

 

Mike and I plan to go back again for brunch just the two of us. I've heard it's even better! What are some of your favorite quaint spots? 

Motherhood: Raw, Honest, and Beautiful

 

When I originally took this photo Titus was almost two months, it was really to poke fun of myself. One of those "look what I've become," moments haha - a human cow and a foot rest. I sent it to my sister and mom, I knew we could all get a good laugh. I didn't post it because people get sensitive about revealed nipples and I get sensitive because I know they're the size of oranges... 

Despite the fact that I noticed that I look incredibly annoyed (slightly if you see how Kai was on the verge of choking me), I was actually really content. If you've been in the motherhood game for some time, even for a few months - these moments are like gold. I was terrified with having TWO kids. And the pull of not giving "enough" love and attention to each weighed heavy on my heart. But in this moment it was happening. With my lack of sleep and completely undone self, they were both content...and so was I.

 

This is what I love about motherhood and being real with other moms. My best moments are my least photogenic, because my heart is so full.... I could care less about what I look like. My kids remind me daily how their needs are met and their hearts are just as full if not more. Yes even with the yelling, tantrums, and craziness it's a raw and honest beauty I've never known until they came into my life. I love the reality that motherhood brings, and when we spread it around we all benefit...good, ugly, and indifferent. 

I enjoy looking through the hashtag realmoms on Instagram. It's like a treasure trove of all of us just enjoying our lives a little less styled and a lot more lived in and loved. 

Toddler Chronicles: 'Tis the Season

It's almost Christmas and of course we had to see Kai perform at the preschool winter recital!! This guy cracks me up. For the last few weeks he has been randomly singing different songs from his program in the car or around the house. I have to say I was intrigued by the mixed up versions of songs. 

Last year's performance was full of tears and him coming off the stage after he realized I was so near him. So I made sure to make a mental note: STAY IN THE BACK! I didn't want to make the same mistake again... But he did see us! Kai kept waving and saying hi to his friends in the front (repeatedly), but he had a great time. I'm so proud of him. Daily I'm amazed at how smart, intuitive, and fun he is. 

Makai you truly are the best four year old I know stinky pants. 

Toddler Chronicles: Don't Forget Me!

 

"Mom! Don't forget me!!" With big gorgeous brown eyes that melt my core... He says it every time he sees his brother receiving attention and I know exactly what that means. My independent, smart, and wild little boy hates to feel left out, so he's big on not excluding others. He has such a heightened sensitivity to it... it's one of the things I admire about him.

With everything in me I have to take a deep breath and pause, because he is still just a little as his brother in his eyes...and he refuses to let anyone of us miss it. Juggling two kids has been an adjustment...that's an understatement friends. It's been a HUGE adjustment. Daily I have to take it in stride with sweet baby Jesus' loving grace. 

Initially kai's phrase a sweetly painted above would get on my nerves...a lot. I'd bark back (I know, not my best moments) with "Kai it's not about you! Wait your turn!" Or try and redirect him to play alone. But Kai is persistent, a quality from his daddy haha! And the more he said it the more I realized I've got to change my perspective on this and acknowledge we are adjusting at our own pace. Honestly I'm glad he's adjusted more on the inclusion side than other less loving moments of toy snatching, shoving, you get the point - brotherly love/hazing. 

 

But more importantly deep down I'm glad he notices, because I watch his fierce character notice that for his friends too. Sometimes at school I get to watch him play just before picking him up and he is always surrounded by other kids. Always inviting someone to our house or giving a ton of hugs prior to his departure. He's already set a standard for himself, and I'm okay with raising my own bar of expectations for him. 

So Kai, don't worry you're always included...and even when you're not I know you'll create a place wherever you are so that others don't have to ask "what about me" either.

Harvest Carnival 2016

I had great delusions of grandeur (using my psychology degree) of making an incredible costume for the boys. I mean really pulling out my MOM DIY SKILLS and taking it to the next level. Then reality set in and two days before Harvest Carnival, I was scrambling at Walmart, Target, and JoAnn Fabrics trying to not be that mom who didn't come through. 

So Mike with his bright ideas (thank God honestly), he told me to check on one of the online yard sales we're a part of on Facebook to see if I could snag a costume. And wouldn't you know I got TWO! A wonderful lady was selling a ton of costumes and I got an Optimus Prime suit with mask (the one Kai is sporting so fiercely above) and an Ironman full suit for $20! When Kai came home and saw them both his reaction was priceless.

So glad there were no tears and tons of smiles tonight. He kept wishing everyone a Happy Halloween haha and binged on all sorts of unnecessary sweets. That's what it's about right? 

Hope you had a safe and wonderful time too!

Ministry & Family: Being Creative with Quality Time

We are embarking on a full month of being engulfed in ministry as our second Annual Pumpkin Patch fundraiser is upon us. For the next month our lives are going to be filled with pumpkins...pumpkins...and more pumpkins. To say I'm a little overwhelmed is an understatement, but I'm definitely up for the challenge. But most importantly I'm thinking of not allowing this month to completely cause my family and especially the boys to feel excluded. That's the battle isn't it?

So we're finding ways to connect the boys while the work is being done. Kai has been waiting for this time of year, because he always has a blast and I'm looking forward to Titus enjoying himself too. From hayrides to games and pumpkins, I want to make sure that the boys feel as included as possible while keeping the balance of all the things...

Hopefully after school I can bring the boys to the patch since Mike is overseeing it the majority of the time. I'm ready for them to enjoy some fun time added into our routine. Being creative with our family time is definitely the name of the game. My biggest prayer is to not have the boys resent our time in ministry, to ever feel like ministry took us "away" from them. So being able to keep them engaged and feel apart of things will always be a priority to me. So far this has been what they've needed for just enough fun after a long day. So far they seem to love it! Only 21 more days left haha.

Motherhood: Apple Picking Field Trips

 

 

Out of the almost dozen photos we took, he still didn't look at the camera! I adored the time I got to take and spend it Apple Picking with Kai and his class this week. The weather wasn't fantastic, it was quite cold actually...but there is nothing like having your child be proud of your presence. These are the moments that remind me that I made the right decision in focusing on my family more than my career or hopes for a certain financial status. 

It's a breath of fresh air to do this with him...by no means is it easy. Many days I wonder if I'm doing the best thing for the boys in this season right now. Then I look at this photo

 

 

...and I'm reminded yes. A complete and peaceful yes to moments like this. The rest will fall into place, but I only get this once in my lifetime.

 

Motherhood: First trip to the Library

So I think I've mentioned that I'm not the best at play dates or hangouts with other moms, though I actually love them. It takes a lot for me to prepare going out and interacting with others, I'm an introvert at heart with extroverted tendencies as needed haha. Well this past Friday I met up with a friend of mine who makes sure I don't stay inside too long (every mom needs one of those types of friends, seriously). And we took our first trip to the library. The last time I went to the library was to pay a serious fine...so yeah.

It was awesome! As you can see it was a pirate themed craft time and Kai loved it. It was comforting being with other moms knowing that a healthy activity not involving television before nap time makes you feel good about yourself (well at least I did). Sometimes I swing the pendulum too far as I know Kai is inundated with so much time at church and preschool I try to soak up as much downtime as possible...but I continue to realize that I need to switch things up and just broaden my social motherhood net. 

The crafts were simple and rather quick, which kept Titus pretty happy as well. Motherhood can be isolating sometimes if you allow it. I know as often as I desire friendships with other moms I easily find reasons to stay to myself, in spite of the need for that connection. I'm grateful though that other moms seem to keep finding me and pulling me out of my single-minded motherhood tendencies!

Looks like we will be headed back to the library very soon! Huge mom win this round.