In this Season: New Surprises & Family Moments

Though I took an unexpected break from blogging, it has definitely still been in the forefront of my mind. Being able to share and record life in a unique way is a big piece of my heart and I'm so grateful to be back (hopefully for much longer). Well much has happened! Lots of growth, changes, challenges, but oh so many triumphs. The ones that humble you and remind you that God is working ever so sweetly in your life to make you better. 

As you can see the boys have grown! And their personalities are something for short stories and live television for sure...especially Titus. They are so much fun, so much that we are having our THIRD BOY in February! Yes, you read that right...our THIRD BOY ha! I can't say that Mike and I weren't hoping for a girl (so much he thinks we should try one more time...), but my heart truly is at peace and full of excitement. 

We had the opportunity recently to do a family photo session with one of my absolute favorite photographers and close friend from Uplifted Photography! I cannot even describe how I feel looking at our family in this new season. Thank you as always Bri for capturing us so perfectly, and sweet baby boy before his arrival!

Devotional: Seasoned with Salt

Scripture: Matthew 5: 13-16 MSG
"Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage."

Though I'm not a professional chef, I am a proud connoisseur of food. In other words I love to eat, so therefore I've learned to embrace cooking. Early on in our first year of marriage, Mike came to realize that I wasn't one to whip up meals in the kitchen and there were lots of trial and error dinners (and late night runs to pick up some fast food). My biggest problem I quickly learned was I rarely tasted my food before serving it. I know, I know that's a huge mistake. For some reason I figured I could just eyeball the seasonings and it would turn out fine...I was wrong. Your palate and tastebuds are a tremendous part of cooking (just in case you didn't know). There is nothing like tasting a lack luster meal or an overly salty and saturated one. Either one can ruin it for you.

So it's no wonder why this infamous scripture spoke to me in the midst of all the words, Facebook posts, and endless debates going on lately. Because we all, yes ALL of us, want to be heard. Especially in the name of not being classified or misnomered in this age of labels and identifiers. We all in some way do not want anyone to speak on our behalf, and there isn't anything wrong with that. Words, thoughts, and ideas so easily get lost in translation in the midst of fingers violently typing and conveying a message that is meant for our mouths and our actions. The internet's fiberoptic cables have jaded our eyes to reality. Our emotional and mental tastebuds haven't felt the authenticity of what life and true conversations have to offer in quite some time...and that's the significance of being referenced as salt. You know the taste of a well flavored meal.

Salt is a common ingredient we all have used, more importantly it has so many uses. Nothing can replace salt, that's the truth. Historically and presently being used to preserve meat, an antiseptic in medicine, and bring flavor; salt is a vital spice to life! However, as Christ followers we can see a verse like this and immediately sprinkle our salt and ideas to the point of distaste. You don't think that's possible? Ever been around a fellow Christian or someone who wears that label, and after talking you feel discouraged and turned off? I know that I have and I know there have been moments where I've been that person. Pouring my precious salt in the "name of Christ" only to turn someone away. I hadn't portioned what could bring out God-flavoring in the situation, but rather my own selfish desire to be heard or seen as "Christian" enough overshadowed an opportunity.

Read the verse once again and take a moment to taste the bitterness of an excessive amount of salt. That's what we are called NOT to be. In other scriptures we are urged to let our speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt (Colossians 4:6), with the key word being seasoned. That implies tact, control, and portion. I'm so challenged as I'm prone to allow my words to flippantly chastise, control a situation, and trample on the voices and emotions of others...causing a much saltier  and damaging situation. 

But take hope! As we cook up delicious meals in our conversations and situations with friends, family, our kids, and especially online may we season each with salt. Being careful to know the power of Christ entrusted with grace in our lives that we should urgently share with others. Taking time to prayerfully seek God's hand rather than our own when we pick up scripture, wisdom, and words to bring out the God-flavoring in our world. Leaving a situation seasoned rather than salty is the best we can offer today. So friend before we post may we imagine our words as rather a pinch of salt or a dose of disastrous distaste in the making. Valuing the opportunity we have to not fight to be heard, but fight to allow God to bring about His glory in us AND those involved. May we be the sprinkle chefs in our communities, knowing what we hold is so precious and so vital!

I love what I recently read on a post from Jen Hatmaker and I couldn't have said it any better. May you be encouraged and challenged as well friend!

"Sisters, don't spend your energy spitting into the wind to win over people who will not be won. Don't say passive aggressive things to take jabs at critics who may or may not even be listening. Stop having arguments in your head, however much you may be wining them. Drop it. Drop it all. 

Speak to the highest level of your best people. Send it out like you want it returned: love, grace, courage, encouragement, kindness, humility. Do not give in to the lowest common denominator. Speak words of life, because that is the very thing that will save us."

In this Season: Strength in Wisdom

Ever have a "go to" person for advice? A phenomenal sounding board that just understands, is wise, brutally honest when necessary? If you do you're beyond blessed (and I'm sure you know it). That person for me has always been my mom. I respect her on so many levels it's beyond words sometimes. She truly is a tangible example of grace and truth in my life that I can only hope to be for my own kids.

 

It's been challenging in this season of my life where I've felt that nudge from God to stand on my own two spiritual feet and exercise the wisdom growing inside me. It's downright nerve wrecking when I look over the edge into what seems like a raging ocean of life's situations and I can't imagine walking out into the storm. What if I fall? What if this overtakes me? Do I even know what to say or do? The mental flood of questions and self analysis can be just as bad if not worse than the situation sometimes. In the moments I've wanted to breakdown, give up, or run and hide I've been pushed just a little more to step into wisdom's haven.

That's looked a lot more like not seeking so much advice from everywhere else, but rather becoming still and quiet to hear what I need to do. And that's not easy for me, who is prone to second-guessing and doubting myself. It's taken so much more time spent in prayer and feeding my spirit rather than my emotions. Becoming comfortable with my voice and discernment, seeing that I'm much stronger and healthier than I realize in Christ. But it's felt so great to see the strength in walking in wisdom...because when my heart and emotions are confused wisdom isn't. 

Recently I felt like my heart was torn in a ministry situation. I wanted all the advice in the world to soothe what I felt had broken a piece of my spirit. Then I wanted to lash out and even manipulate things out of fear that the "truth" would not prevail. But I kept hearing in my spirit to be still and silent...to apologize and step back. Not at all the words or actions I deemed necessary! Though my emotions clouded my judgment, because of the strength of wisdom I didn't have to walk through the situation as I could have. Even in the moments where it felt like things were getting worse...I've stayed as still as possible. 

I've been finding that wisdom is a lot more being still and waiting than anything else...but there's strength in meekness and humility- which my proud heart continues to see. Real, genuine, unwavering strength...

In this Season: The pursuit of identity

"Don't forget who you are and who's you are..."

Recently hearing that has made me think more and more about identity. I've always had a deep call and love for young women and reminding them of their value and true self. That's been apart of my fiber even when I didn't know much of who I was or felt like I belonged anywhere or to anyone...even God. Never finding solace in cutting or drinking or being the "best" Christian possible allowed me to answer and know who and who's I am. Seems cliche, but there is so much truth in what I just wrote. So much honesty in seeking in others what can only be found in one place. 

I had an incredible conversation with a young lady recently that caused me to share this antidote with a deeper understanding. Because whether we acknowledge it or not, we are constantly trying to answer, remind, connect, and find security in who and who's we are. Especially as women. Experiencing this all of our lives. Sometimes we call it wearing many hats or labels or providing some eloquent list of complexities that describe what you think you are...not so much who.

 See, who gets mixed up with what too often. As women we claim our what we do as who we are and find ourselves buried under labels of deeds and works that can't quite quench that insatiable appetite of busyness, work, competition with others...desire of perfection. It's messy and exhausting! What is the hamster wheel, going full speed with no end in sight. It's easy to say what I am, because we're condition to associate those deeds with who we are.

But it's not even comparable if we stopped and put the laundry list of deeds down. Because WHO you are can only be defined by WHO's you are. And truth is the only one who knows who you are, is the one who intricately made you. With the intent and desire for you to see that who you are is what opens the doors for the what you want to become. Who you are brings the peace and unexplainable joy that allows you to make the decisions on what to do. Who's you are separates and propels you to do what it is that's your purpose. Who is sustainable while what is transient and interchangeable. 

More and more I see why identity is so easily attacked and pursued...because when you know your who, the what becomes easy. I've been spending more time figuring out who I am, as I've so desired to get to what I want. These are some scriptures I've begun studying on my own as daily reminders. I hope they're encouraging to you as well friend.

In Christ, I am forgiven (Eph. 1:7).

In Christ, I am set free from condemnation and shame (Rom. 8:1).

In Christ, I am born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead (1 Peter 1:3).

In Christ, I am renewed in the spirit of my mind ( Eph. 4:21–24).

In Christ, I am rooted and grounded in love (Eph. 3:17-19).

In Christ, I am able to forgive others as I have been forgiven (Col. 3:12-14

In Christ, I am His workmanship created in Christ Jesus and prepared for good works He has planned for me (Eph. 2:10

In Christ, I am a new creation; the old me has been stripped away (2 Cor. 5:17–18).

In Christ, I am created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness (Eph. 4:24).

In Christ, I am able to live the victorious life He has provided for me (1 Cor. 15:57).

In Christ, you are redeemed, whole, loved, cherished, and made new. He has great plans according to His will for your life... know who you are and who's, so you can be what you've been called to be. 

Ministry & Marriage: Unexpected Connections

October has literally been filled with all things pumpkin! Everyday for the last several weeks Mike and I have been overseeing our annual youth fundraiser, which happens to be a Pumpkin Patch. It's actually been really cool (a bit overwhelming haha), but nonetheless a crazy whirlwind I know I wouldn't have survived without Mike. 

As we see the light at the end of the tunnel, I've been looking back at how even this opportunity allowed us to better communicate, find ways to enjoy one another, and see new strengths that we didn't know existed. I have to say my favorite part has been reading The Pumpkin Patch Parable to a crowd of children while Mike (dressed as Tigger) has acted out parts alongside me and kept them on edge as to how the story ends. 

It's been a sweet and stressful month, but more importantly incredible. Ministry has its moments, but I'm thankful we do it together...I really wouldn't have it any other way.

Ministry & Family: Being Creative with Quality Time

We are embarking on a full month of being engulfed in ministry as our second Annual Pumpkin Patch fundraiser is upon us. For the next month our lives are going to be filled with pumpkins...pumpkins...and more pumpkins. To say I'm a little overwhelmed is an understatement, but I'm definitely up for the challenge. But most importantly I'm thinking of not allowing this month to completely cause my family and especially the boys to feel excluded. That's the battle isn't it?

So we're finding ways to connect the boys while the work is being done. Kai has been waiting for this time of year, because he always has a blast and I'm looking forward to Titus enjoying himself too. From hayrides to games and pumpkins, I want to make sure that the boys feel as included as possible while keeping the balance of all the things...

Hopefully after school I can bring the boys to the patch since Mike is overseeing it the majority of the time. I'm ready for them to enjoy some fun time added into our routine. Being creative with our family time is definitely the name of the game. My biggest prayer is to not have the boys resent our time in ministry, to ever feel like ministry took us "away" from them. So being able to keep them engaged and feel apart of things will always be a priority to me. So far this has been what they've needed for just enough fun after a long day. So far they seem to love it! Only 21 more days left haha.

Marriage & Ministry: Five Years of Prayers

Though God has blessed me to be able to serve in ministry since I was 11 years old (I've just always loved it), there is nothing like quite seeing answered prayers. As unexpected as it was to be in the position that we are in now, this past weekend we had the chance to really see something come to pass that we've only talked about and prayed for.

Youth ministry is not for the weak...seriously. When you think you've learned something or you've gotten a good grip on how to handle situations, curve balls come flying your way. We've had tough seasons, lonely seasons, confusing seasons, angry seasons, you name it - we've felt it. The joy of pouring into someone's life and truly desiring the absolute best most certainly overshadows those times, but it doesn't diminish them by any means. Transitions go hand in hand with ministry, which is difficult because the backbone of youth ministry is consistency. Having the same faces commit to seeing the growth and change in a young person's life is hard to find.

This past weekend we held or first student ministry's staff retreat. We were able to talk, pray, laugh, and grow on such an intimate level. Mike and I have prayed for this moment, when it seemed like we were the wrong fit, the worst choice, this was that huge glimmer of hope. That reminder of God's promise to us that we only need to stay obedient and trust that we are where we should be. That we don't need to chase and hunt people down, He will send the right people in His timing. 

I'm so grateful to share this time with those people in that picture. They are our friends that are more like family. They love our kids and we adore theirs. We believe in their dreams and can't thank God enough for their genuine friendships. It was a great weekend, one that I want to make sure I keep close on those nights when I feel God chose the wrong person for this place and these students... He has this, and He hasn't forgotten me yet.

Marriage & Ministry: Making Time

Those who make the worst use of their time are the first to complain of its brevity.

My biggest complaint often is that I don't have time...that I'm "too tired" or especially our ministry schedule doesn't allow me to do the things I really want to do. In fact, I know I say it daily or multiple times a day as the laundry piles up, emails aren't answered, dishes are still sitting in the sink - how am I going to finish this? Where is the time?!? Then the flood of being overwhelmed crashes in and I hide in the bathroom to collect myself haha. 

Sure I have as much time as Beyoncé, but I don't have all of the help she does! Time is something that we wish we had more of, but the quality of time doesn't always equate to the quantity of it...does that make sense?

So we received a phone call of a time share presentation opportunity last weekend. I mean we can "suffer" through an hour for a gift card and a free hotel stay right? Since we couldn't commit to the entire week, we figured why not an overnight stay. Massanutten resort is about 1.5 hours from our house, so it wasn't out of our way significantly - and we needed a getaway. So we packed the kids and left after church Sunday.

First, we just recently started traveling with both kids outside of our normal routine...and I applaud people who are so brave and courageous to make a habit of it. The last few overnights we've done have been an adjustment as Kai and Titus have loved being away from home (and I've learned to let most rules go). Accepting that my kids need to enjoy the world around them and that includes quite a bit of non instagramable moments (if you know what I mean). 

So we made it...but not without the realization that life is full of the concept that:

When you say yes to one thing you say no to another. 

When Mike and I returned home we asked ourselves was the trip a success and did we actually enjoy a break - truth is we did. Saying no to how much time allowed us to focus on the fact that every moment needed to count. The quality of our getaway was probably the best we've had in a few months. The look on the boys' faces are ingrained in my heart and mind. 

work.dishes.laundry. you fill in the bank - will always be there. Though I say it, I feel guilty if I live it. But it's so healthy to say no probably more often than I do. To think of quality in a world where quantity is the measure we rise and fall on. After our short time away I thought to myself I can do this...we can do this. Take a day off or two and make it count. 

Say yes and feel good about it.

Weekend Adventures: Youth Ministry Overload

As my boys peacefully sleep for a few hours (hopefully) I begin to sit and unwind from an incredible experience that I hope my written words give justice to. This weekend we took a group of students to our local district Youth Convention. Mind you, if you've ever done youth ministry or ministry in general these events can be a toss up: sometimes your expectations are not met, sometimes they are exceeded, or somewhere in between. However, I love the break and complete change of pace that going to a conference can bring... especially in ministry the politics of gossip, meeting standards, who to "trust" or not to, makes you lose sight of what this is all about - that's the people. Those we are meant to serve and care for...but I digress.

We left Friday afternoon, and truthfully my stomach was in knots the evening before. I thought about what if it turns out horrible... or the students think it's lame. What if someone does something stupid (because that does happen) and the trip is done? I even thought of what if I didn't plan enough and it all unravels. Despite my brave and enthusiastic face, my head was plagued with fear, and my heart was clinging to the hope that this would be a breakout moment for our group.

Transitions are challenging for adults, but honestly we do not realize how difficult they can be for youth. The youth ministry we are blessed to be apart of has gone through several years of transition and two things I strongly believe makes any ministry great, but DEFINITELY youth ministry is this: Consistency & Relationships. Of course solid biblical teaching and legitimate doctrine, but you can have the best of the best preachers and teachers and still have a lack luster group. We've worked hard and made so many mistakes in our journey of developing these two things for us and for the ministry; so this event was big for us in so many ways. Because it was not just an event, it was clothed in prayer and the desire that our students begin to see that the goal is to encounter God and never be the same...most of all to believe that you can even have that moment and it be oh so real.

The evening session began and the worship was phenomenal. We experienced Fearless BND and
Fedel. I watched with anticipation as one by one students began to feel the freedom of worshiping amongst hundreds of other students who didn't care, didn't think twice, and for one night wanted to worship. The dim lights, pumping bass, beautiful vocals, and anonymity in the crowd was the perfect recipe for laying down egos and picking up Jesus. It happened and they got it. The stage was set for God to do what only He does. Connect, break down, restore, and push forward.

I cried, I prayed, and I realized just how gratifying it is to watch someone else capture a glimpse of who God is and who He desires to be in our lives. I love our students so deeply, more so because I see so much in them. I see the fruit of all this hard work, all the long hours, and the sacrifices...the same I feel for many things that I know are worth it. Over the weekend with my three hours of sleep and missing my babies I couldn't have asked for a better time with our students.

The return would seem little to others, but the tangible feeling I have is far greater than I could contain. I am continuously reminded to invest not just pray, but truly spend the time, plant the seeds, make sure my own life is growing in God so that my time is not wasted in this ministry.

I also got a bunch of free t-shirts (my love language)...

Marriage & Ministry: The Art of Taking Offense

image | estheroh

It seems that over time it has become easier and easier to settle for being offended, especially in church. Honestly the percentage of those who walk away from their congregation due to being offended, most likely supersedes any other reason. Countless times I have sat and talked with members who are simply hurt from gossip, misconstrued situations, and down right petty "I just don't like you" issues at the heart of things. Yet I rarely see a desire and push to resolve or reconcile when an offense has occurred...and I have to wonder why.

It has taken me some time to write about this topic - to put it simply: because it is a raw issue I encounter more and more as a pastor's wife. As if this has become the "season of the offended" - and the most offended has been me. From harsh words spoken about my husband to me or judgments that felt too casually passed on decisions that we've prayed and executed personally and within the realms of ministry. I used to think I had tough skin, until I received someone's unsolicited "thoughts" and needed opinions about myself and/or my husband. This is where things become tricky, because as a wife I am inclined to want to defend and immediately respond on behalf of my spouse, even jump at the chance to throw back some harsh words of my own! And somehow I have found that people in their good or sometimes hidden intentions don't think I may be hurt at all.

But if I do react naturally...how will that affect not just me, but the ministry, this position that God has placed me in at this time? My words no longer become my own and my actions are easily a reflection on everything other than a simple wife hurt by intentional or unintentional offenses.

So naturally I wanted to internalize it. Smile...brush it off...right? Instead I began to become bitter - even angry. Not the anger where you can yell and blow off steam, that anger that sits deep in the heart and sprouts roots that attach to your heart strings. The anger that when you see someone you intentionally walk up to them so that you can provoke and bully them emotionally through passive aggressiveness or unspoken gestures. And that began to concern me - because I've had anger like that before and it takes much more than prayer to handle and remove its clutches. So then how do you handle it? Truthfully, because I know as a wife that is one of the most difficult situations when you are a listening and supportive ear - but the information and criticism is about the person you dearly love...and in ministry it can cause an even more awkward situation as your job is to support, to listen, and to encourage healthy change.

So how do you handle it - I ask you. During time with the Lord over many tears and prayers, I had a moment of clarity.

What is the end result?

At the end of this offense what was I hoping to gain or lose? What would I allow it to do in terms of shaping my character positively or negatively... and even more so was I desiring to reconcile at the end. Because it feels justified to stay offended, you don't have to work at anything or than embracing and sitting in your emotions. But it takes work and even losing relationships sometimes to reconcile and move forward desiring to not be held back by the hurt of others' words or actions. 

DO I WANT TO RECONCILE? 

At the end of the day am I willing to forgive and not hold onto something that will only damage my desire to be closer to Christ and to remember that we are all still flesh and blood? During this season I have begun to ask myself in every instance what is my ultimate desire. Whether it feels right or the timing isn't when I want it...am I desiring to reconcile so that I can draw closer to those things that I know God wants to grow in me. A joy that surpasses understanding and remembers that I am a reflection of brokenness that was saved by grace and who am I to not continue to share that grace in my daily life. No this doesn't negate wisdom in how I interact and handle harsh words or hurtful situations, but it does begin to free my heart and mind to take it all in stride. 

Weekend Adventures: Surprise Shower and Icky Viruses

As we've gotten closer to the birth of baby #2, I found myself not really wanting a baby shower. Not necessarily because I don't enjoy a fun baby shower, I just didn't think after having a second boy I would need to really have another shower...but little did I know that my dear friends and family had something up their sleeves! I am not often surprised, but this brought me to tears. Seeing our youth, church family, and my own family there meant the world! In the midst of the celebration we actually were all sick! I mean like vomiting and all the gross icky things that you don't want to write down. I will spare you the details - but I was only able to go to the shower since the boys ended up having to be checked out at the doctor's office. I definitely missed them and had wished they could have celebrated with us.

I could not thank these ladies enough for planning this shower for little guy. I mean I am beyond blessed by some of THE BEST people in the world. Strange how even when you don't think you need to be taken care of, those who know you best disregard you haha! I loved the shower and we are definitely ready for this little one to make his debut next month.

 

 

Also my amazing sister made little guy a world traveling cake which is his nursery theme! I mean it was DELICIOUS and looked stinking gorgeous!! She amazes me with her talent.

I can't wait to meet him and for this little one to be surrounded by such amazing love. Hope you have a wonderful weekend!