In this Season: New Surprises & Family Moments

Though I took an unexpected break from blogging, it has definitely still been in the forefront of my mind. Being able to share and record life in a unique way is a big piece of my heart and I'm so grateful to be back (hopefully for much longer). Well much has happened! Lots of growth, changes, challenges, but oh so many triumphs. The ones that humble you and remind you that God is working ever so sweetly in your life to make you better. 

As you can see the boys have grown! And their personalities are something for short stories and live television for sure...especially Titus. They are so much fun, so much that we are having our THIRD BOY in February! Yes, you read that right...our THIRD BOY ha! I can't say that Mike and I weren't hoping for a girl (so much he thinks we should try one more time...), but my heart truly is at peace and full of excitement. 

We had the opportunity recently to do a family photo session with one of my absolute favorite photographers and close friend from Uplifted Photography! I cannot even describe how I feel looking at our family in this new season. Thank you as always Bri for capturing us so perfectly, and sweet baby boy before his arrival!

Motherhood: Raw, Honest, and Beautiful

 

When I originally took this photo Titus was almost two months, it was really to poke fun of myself. One of those "look what I've become," moments haha - a human cow and a foot rest. I sent it to my sister and mom, I knew we could all get a good laugh. I didn't post it because people get sensitive about revealed nipples and I get sensitive because I know they're the size of oranges... 

Despite the fact that I noticed that I look incredibly annoyed (slightly if you see how Kai was on the verge of choking me), I was actually really content. If you've been in the motherhood game for some time, even for a few months - these moments are like gold. I was terrified with having TWO kids. And the pull of not giving "enough" love and attention to each weighed heavy on my heart. But in this moment it was happening. With my lack of sleep and completely undone self, they were both content...and so was I.

 

This is what I love about motherhood and being real with other moms. My best moments are my least photogenic, because my heart is so full.... I could care less about what I look like. My kids remind me daily how their needs are met and their hearts are just as full if not more. Yes even with the yelling, tantrums, and craziness it's a raw and honest beauty I've never known until they came into my life. I love the reality that motherhood brings, and when we spread it around we all benefit...good, ugly, and indifferent. 

I enjoy looking through the hashtag realmoms on Instagram. It's like a treasure trove of all of us just enjoying our lives a little less styled and a lot more lived in and loved. 

Marriage: Learning this side of Us

 

The best marriage advice I received was early on: "relationships are like a dance, to grow you have to learn and adjust your steps." Every season is like a new song, sometimes you can move with ease or your partner can. Other moments you both seem to have left feet and desperately need some aid on the dance floor. Regardless of the song, when you've found someone you want to keep dancing with you figure it out along the way. 

For the last two years we've been in a season of a lot of new steps and many forgotten ones that I've had to relearn. As much as I love watching other couples, my biggest "couple goals" have always been my own...but it hasn't been easy. After coming alongside my husband in ministry, many areas that we had suppressed, ignored, and put a do not disturb sign on came full force in our faces. Going from seeing each other for maybe three hours total (working two different jobs and schedules) to now being side by side almost the full 24...it's been a serious adjustment! 

 

These last two years of our marriage have been unique as our love and commitment have required far more actions than words. When the arguments have gotten ugly and the space between us has felt like a thousand miles emotionally - my heart's intentions had to step up their game. Nothing is solved in a day, but as we learn, grow, and mend some broken areas I've noticed 3 changes we've made in this new dance:

1. Acknowledging where things are at: Because it's better to feel the sting of truth rather than the heartbreak of a lie. Though we can laugh now, we couldn't a few months ago when we both realized "this should be a safe place, but it's not." Processing that we both were on edge in the majority of our conversations always caused a sense of walking on eggshells. Truth was somewhere a hurt or offense began to crack our safe haven between us. Before we knew it everything was heard, seen, and felt through a distorted lense. Acknowledging and speaking truth to one another has rebuilt simple trust in our communication and safety...it's a daily practice I know we must stay committed to.

2. Make the time: It's the kids. It's your job. I'm tired...we all know the excuses, so we don't have to make the time. Saying yes to everything and everyone else made it so easy for me to say no to Mike and vice versa. Time is precious and the best way it's spent is cultivating your most important relationships. Understanding that all really good things take time...your time. Push yourself to make the effort if you want it to work. So making time to spend without kids, making time to find areas of interest, making time to have sex (indeed - that as well), all of those things are so vital for both of us. As we've made it a priority my radar can sense now when we haven't... which is a good thing. 

3. Identify and Practice ONE area of common ground: If Mike were writing this it would be sex haha. And truth is if that's your starting point in your marriage to help things get back in place, then by all means go for it! But in all seriousness for us it's prayer. Our own spiritual walks are what brought us together and it's our strongest common ground - our love for Jesus Christ. So we start there, and it doesn't always look like long devotionals or time spent on our knees praying. It's looked like conversations about podcasts, articles, a book we read together, or even what God may be sharing with us personally. Intentionally talking about something we both enjoy starts to open doors for us to talk about other things. Like the days when you could talk on the phone for hours...remember those? Yeah, I don't remember what we talked about at all, but I can recall the feeling of not wanting it to end. Practicing and finding something you both can do reminds you that you both actually like each other before this season. For us it's unveiled areas we didn't realize were a common ground! But practice is so key.

Though not everyone believes in soulmates, I do believe that when you choose to dance and take a journey alongside someone else you mean it. You choose that person, because it makes sense in more areas of your life than you can count. In our truthful moments we've both wanted to quit and walk off the dance floor...it's not been easy, but intentionally changing has become easier as we practice it. 

I pray whether it's your best season or worst while you step on each other's toes that you're encouraged and try at least one of these three for yourself. All good things are worth trying and I'm a firm believer that this is worth trying. 

Motherhood: A Variety of Friends

I'm completely convinced that you need a solid group of friends that help you maintain your sanity...especially as a mom. I don't think I can count the number of times I've almost lost my crap only to be reminded that it's just a season, it's okay to yell, your kids won't die (not today), and you're freakin awesome at this mom thing. 

But I think the mistake many moms, including myself make once we step into motherhood is feeling like ALL my friends need to be moms too now. Because no one gets you like another mother...right? In many ways there's truth to that, but ever find yourself cutting really great friendships off simply because they don't seem to "fit" anymore? Shamefully I raise my hand, as I've felt bad cancelling, not wanting to clean my house haha, or just not sure what to talk about with my "no kids" friends. 

Over time, I've found a good balance and thanked those that have embraced my crazy boys while trying to have an adult conversation or excused my mess as someone just pooped in the wrong place or farts in their face (life with boys)... It's been nice to find how my variety of friends have kept all sides of my personality and life alive with the friendship I enjoy from each of them. As I sat and read other blogs about the top friends you need to survive I've made my own list! I'd love to know if you agree too.

1. The Veteran Mom Friend: This is the mom who has at least one more kid than you or older kids. They're the ones who remind you dirt is edible, don't fuss over everything, and you'll survive this stage of tantrums. They provide wisdom and encourage you to give yourself a very healthy dose of grace when you feel like you're missing the mark. This is the mom that is also you're go-to mobile pediatrician when you need to triage a situation.

2. The Trendsetter Friend: They are traveling, staying up passed 9:30PM, and have the best stories that keep you not so "momish." The friend who you can chat away with at whatever you're binge watching and remind yourself that you're still you even though motherhood is very much a part of your life now. This friend nudges you to take a few risks every now and then along with keeping you dreaming as well. Also you can sometimes vicariously live through their season and still get sufficient sleep!

3. The Fellow Mom Friend: You're both moms with kids around the same age. You can cry, laugh, and talk about all things motherhood without feeling like it's "too much mom talk." This is the friend that gets you in your season, doesn't care what your house looks like, and laughs when you both have stained shirts when you hang out. The one who will take your kids, change their diapers, and let's you in on a shared motherhood experience. This mom has a special bond and a sense of vulnerability that you both connect with. 

4. The Take Care of You Friend: Every mom needs this friend. A friend or friends that usually don't have kids, but love yours like your own. Yet they have a healthy dose of boundaries to keep in check that you need you time! They're the ones that help you take breaks and are great for adult conversation sans kids. The ones that hound you until you schedule a simple dinner date or hangout to replenish your soul. You always leave feeling better after your time together. 

These are just a few, because I know that we all get to enjoy this motherhood journey in a unique and special way. From my veteran moms to my trendsetter friends I love the mix that's in my life. They all touch on the myriad of pieces that make up who I am and keep me sane when I need it most. I hope your community is as diverse and full as I've been able to enjoy. Motherhood and womanhood is all about your tribe...make it an incredible one friend.

Farewell 2016!

Imagining what this year would look like as I do every year, I have to say I didn't expect many of the things that occurred. That's not to say it was a horrible year, because quite frankly so many great lessons were learned through what felt like horrible situations. Growth is never easy, but looking back I'm grateful for every bump in the road I encountered thus far.

The last few years I've done either a main goal for the year or even a one little word to keep my focus. Anticipating a theme for the year I realize is better than just walking blindly hoping that things just "turn out well." So with that said, I don't want to just share what's been on my heart, without providing the three lessons that helped me get there! So without further adieu, my top 3 lessons of 2016 have been:

1. In the BIG scheme of life... is this important? | Majority of the time the answer has been "no" which causes me to have to emotionally check myself as well as my intentions and priorities. It's helped me not lose sight so much of what I hope to accomplish in this season of life.
2. Don't just acknowledge your flaws, do something about them! | I've had to take a long hard look at myself in the mirror more than once this year. Accepting and changing areas of my life that I know don't help me have NOT been easy. Knowing I can be lazy, forgetful, easily irritable, and a quitter make me want to run and hide - but changing them have only made me stronger.
3. Have an attitude of gratefulness and positivity | Being prone to "Negativity Nancy" syndrome is no fun, and this year I refused to stay upset and frustrated over every little thing. I'm BEYOND blessed and I don't say that boastfully, I truly say that with a humble heart. Because every need my family has is met (honestly exceedingly) and to complain and fuss takes away from that focus. Changing my perspective has helped so much in enjoying my life in the present and what's to come in the future.

So finally, to step into 2017 my goal of this year is more of a character development goal. This is something I want to become rather than just do. My BE goal for 2017 is:

I don't want to list a ton of goals or strive for greater things as I've found in the majority of my bumps in the road have come from my own lack of consistency. I start and stop. To move forward and be where I want to this time next year, I know this is what's most important. I pray and hope that you too have found your focus for the new year friend! Be safe and enjoy yourself. See you in 2017!

New Adventure: The Art Teacher

 

Ever have random dreams or aspirations that you hope would happen? Well teaching was always one that I've tucked away, somewhere in between wishful thinking and when the boys get older. So when the opportunity came for me to teach part time at the Academy where Kai attends preschool, I really couldn't pass up the chance!

Yes my goal was to stay at home...I didn't forget at all. However, financially we needed some additional income as we continue to reach some necessary family goals and save for the boys' future. But this wasn't a total loss. There was a spot for Titus as well while I teach right at school! So both boys are in the same place as I am - and honestly it doesn't get any better than that. Being able to teach in the afternoons allows me to spend time in the morning with them, and not stress about rushing out of the door or staying late.

I've been so nervous about teaching as I've taught in much smaller and less formal settings, but I keep feeling like there is something great in this opportunity. It's a challenge no doubt. Being self conscious and trying to get my bearings on Teacher life is all so new and wonderful...and terrifying! Most of all I realize I've been so horrible at planning and preparing if I get anything together it will be those things. 

It's been a few weeks since I started and everyday is new. I can't wait to see the growth I have as a person outside of motherhood and ministry with this new adventure. Feeling like it's really good for my soul.

Approaching 30 [part one]

I can't believe that I'll be turning 30 this month. It literally feels as though I just started to live, figure myself out, and plant my feet. So much has gone through my mind as I see where I am today versus where I've been in the journey of my twenties. The richness of my life as I've begun to see it now, came from the last several years of being planted so deeply in the soil it felt suffocating, isolating, lonely, and broken. 

As I've spent time in prayer, I was never quite sure of the "perfect" time to share this particular season of my life. Being healthy and emotionally strong enough to put into print those things that initially caused my heart shame and my soul to grieve have been bathed in grace and so much forgiveness of myself and others. But there truly is no time like the present. To keep stalling out of fear has only caused doubt and insecurity, which I desire less of in my life.

My 20's were a season spent feeling like I had lost myself and not in a good way. My desire to be loved and wanted caused me to end up in an emotionally and physically unhealthy relationship with someone I trusted beyond myself and was a mentor in my life. For almost six years I pushed aside my family, became incredibly depressed, and resorted to self-harm as a way to cope with my dependence on that relationship. I was so enmeshed in who they were that I completely forgot who I was. 

For years I blamed myself. I was angry at how I could allow someone like me to be manipulated, isolated, and shamed. I thought I was strong.

 I had never felt so broken in my life...

To trust someone and have it broken is a very hard thing. To believe in someone over yourself is a very unhealthy position to be in. I clung on his words as truth for myself and it led down a path I don't wish on anyone. Looking over my shoulder constantly, envying others daily, wishing if I did "more," compromised more, that he would love me "more" was my cycle. I never thought it would end..and if it did it was my fault.

To express this so vulnerably is difficult, but I know I'm not the only one. And I know that season was not for nothing. 

So how did it end? Well in the most abrupt way possible - he was removed. Sure you're wondering, well where the heck where you...and I would share, at my church. Then you would probably say something like "see that's why churches are horrible." And I would smile, because I learned so much in that season...most importantly to fix my eyes on Jesus and no one else.

See I grew real roots. Not the ones I thought I had just because I went to church, I served at church, I "grew up" at church. When I look at my scars (which still exist on my body), I see a great big God who didn't leave me nor forsake me. That loved me and was desperately wanting me to see I could love myself.

A fuel was lit inside my soul as time passed that I would be an advocate and I would learn what it truly meant to mentor and support others. I would realize that I already had everything I needed to excel in this life. That the words of others cannot satisfy me like living in real, genuine, authentic purpose...

More importantly I learned to begin to deal with shame, misplaced doubt, and to not carry a burden that wasn't mine. To forgive for my sake alone, and to put into perspective that no man is better than another. Most importantly to love myself will always be the greatest gift I can give to me and those around me. 

In hindsight those were my days of grounding...preparing me for this new season where I feel my footing is unsure. I'm nervous and hopeful for 30, I truly feel I don't need to hide anymore.

Weekend Adventures: Youth Ministry Overload

As my boys peacefully sleep for a few hours (hopefully) I begin to sit and unwind from an incredible experience that I hope my written words give justice to. This weekend we took a group of students to our local district Youth Convention. Mind you, if you've ever done youth ministry or ministry in general these events can be a toss up: sometimes your expectations are not met, sometimes they are exceeded, or somewhere in between. However, I love the break and complete change of pace that going to a conference can bring... especially in ministry the politics of gossip, meeting standards, who to "trust" or not to, makes you lose sight of what this is all about - that's the people. Those we are meant to serve and care for...but I digress.

We left Friday afternoon, and truthfully my stomach was in knots the evening before. I thought about what if it turns out horrible... or the students think it's lame. What if someone does something stupid (because that does happen) and the trip is done? I even thought of what if I didn't plan enough and it all unravels. Despite my brave and enthusiastic face, my head was plagued with fear, and my heart was clinging to the hope that this would be a breakout moment for our group.

Transitions are challenging for adults, but honestly we do not realize how difficult they can be for youth. The youth ministry we are blessed to be apart of has gone through several years of transition and two things I strongly believe makes any ministry great, but DEFINITELY youth ministry is this: Consistency & Relationships. Of course solid biblical teaching and legitimate doctrine, but you can have the best of the best preachers and teachers and still have a lack luster group. We've worked hard and made so many mistakes in our journey of developing these two things for us and for the ministry; so this event was big for us in so many ways. Because it was not just an event, it was clothed in prayer and the desire that our students begin to see that the goal is to encounter God and never be the same...most of all to believe that you can even have that moment and it be oh so real.

The evening session began and the worship was phenomenal. We experienced Fearless BND and
Fedel. I watched with anticipation as one by one students began to feel the freedom of worshiping amongst hundreds of other students who didn't care, didn't think twice, and for one night wanted to worship. The dim lights, pumping bass, beautiful vocals, and anonymity in the crowd was the perfect recipe for laying down egos and picking up Jesus. It happened and they got it. The stage was set for God to do what only He does. Connect, break down, restore, and push forward.

I cried, I prayed, and I realized just how gratifying it is to watch someone else capture a glimpse of who God is and who He desires to be in our lives. I love our students so deeply, more so because I see so much in them. I see the fruit of all this hard work, all the long hours, and the sacrifices...the same I feel for many things that I know are worth it. Over the weekend with my three hours of sleep and missing my babies I couldn't have asked for a better time with our students.

The return would seem little to others, but the tangible feeling I have is far greater than I could contain. I am continuously reminded to invest not just pray, but truly spend the time, plant the seeds, make sure my own life is growing in God so that my time is not wasted in this ministry.

I also got a bunch of free t-shirts (my love language)...

The First Week Back

There are so many mixed emotions as I've returned back to work this past week. It's been a roller coaster emotionally that I've been able to keep to myself between the hours of 9:00am - 4:30pm, but prior to that and after I'm a mess. I don't share that in a cry for sympathy as much as I just need to write it and read it back to myself. Reassure myself that it's completely okay to not want to return to work and know that something has to change. I've been at this place before, actually three years ago when Kai was born and I swore to myself that I needed to be home with him. It didn't happen.

However, as I've anticipated returning to work I've been faced with a question that I leave unanswered in hopes that it will just "figure itself out." I mean who can truly answer what they want to do with their life? Well many people can, I've just been in the category of those that cannot pinpoint exactly what they want. Because how can one have what they love beautifully collide with a way of living? So when I'm asked I feel stuck and then too easily discouraged. Thinking that there are only a select few in life that really can do what they love and not live in a cardboard box.

So I started soul searching while on maternity leave this time around instead of starting a business, trying to make things work, and measuring/calculating a strategy of "success." Because what I love I can't say would bring monetary success, or at least I couldn't see it that way. Over a year ago I started, but never fully finished a book from a bible study I briefly attended. So I picked it back up, because I've got nothing to lose. In conjunction with that I had started the two books I shared in a previous post. Note to self: finish what you started...there is something so freeing about that. So in the process of actually sitting and writing down my roles, hopes for each of them, and what I really want my life to tell and say - I realized several things.

1. I can do FIVE things well, and they all impact making who I am a better person.
2. You don't have to work to live forever, but you do have to work at whatever it is.
3. What I really want isn't just to be home with my kids, but it most certainly is a driving force.

Though there are so many other things I'm taking in right now. I've found that as difficult as re-entering this season of working I know it doesn't have to be forever. Setting goals is going to be key to getting to where I want to be - which completely goes against my normal let's see where life takes me type of attitude. So that is what must be done now. Making lists and checking them off. Staying accountable, which is easier said than done... and most importantly NOT QUITTING (whew I said it out loud).

Not just reading and blogging...but applying. The first week back at work has been tough, I miss my boys terribly and the adjustment feels like torture. BUT it's not impossible and in the words of Oh from the movie Home "we haves hope."

Weekend Adventures: It's Not Everyday...

The weekend felt hectic yet peaceful...is that possible? We crammed quite a bit into the weekend as I of course had another house project to knock off my list and a few other items that are a part of our weekend routine...but I still felt as though we made time for us. That's something that I know Mike and I have really been trying to improve on over the last several months as Kai gets older and we realize that planning is everything. Secretly my spontaneous heart breaks as I know we have to schedule most things to keep ourselves afloat and not ready to blame where our lives are right now. Ministry and family (minus all the other stuff) is such a delicate balance - I am constantly praying we make the most out of the times we have together (big and small) and not regret what we think we should have had.

Often I get caught up in our schedule and making sure that bed times, nap times, food, and everything else under the motherly scope stays somewhat consistent despite it being the weekend. This often is met by the same three words from my husband... it's not everyday (babe is sometimes added depending on the mood). Sure it's not everyday we stay up late or eat ice cream before dinner or watch movies though we need to be up before 7am the next morning. Sometimes I loathe these three words, because I know that regardless of my promptings we are going to bend the rules for the moment...but when I see the joy it brings on Kai's face and in turn my husband's it reminds me that it's not everyday.

Not everyday is filled with bending the rules and our lives are easily consumed with routine. So as I watched my husband introduce the ice cream truck to Kai for the first time Saturday - everything inside of me wanted to remind him we hadn't eaten dinner, but it's not everyday. As Kai's gigantic gorgeous eyes lit up as daddy unwrapped his spider-man ice cream with gumball eyes I know his day was made (even to the point of crying because we had to throw the wrapper in the trash...). I also watched Mike enjoy a moment as a dad and that's something I don't want to take away ever... and I'm glad they allowed me to peak into their moment together.

It's not everyday... so make it worthwhile.

Life Thoughts: Pep Talks

This past Sunday I had a student share with me how she didn't want to continue in participating in the fine arts youth drama, because she felt like it was "too hard." While I held her as she cried and did my best to encourage her, I couldn't help but stop and cup her face in my hands. I looked her in the eyes and told her - "YOU. CAN. DO. HARD. THINGS." Everything inside of me truly meant it as I affirmed the gifts I've seen in her and was surprised at how much her head and heart have been filled with this unspoken depth of doubt... she left undecided but I repeated those words to her, because they were true.

Later that evening I told Mike what happened and I mulled the words over in my head. This time last year I was prepping myself with goals for the new year and what I hoped to accomplish. I shared my one little word of stewardship in this post - truly hoping to focus and grow. As I saw others preparing their word for 2015, I really couldn't narrow down one thing in particular. Sure I want to grow, I would love to show more grace, and be determined or disciplined in the tasks I set before myself...but it just didn't feel right, you know? This past year really was about stewardship in my relationships, with my job, as a mother...but this year I really wasn't sure.

2014 had many great moments, but boy was it challenging. So many hard things came throughout the year and I found myself feeling just like the student I recently was comforting - crying (sobbing many times), unsure, doubtful, and afraid to even face the things in front of me. We've all had seasons where it's just hard. You wake up and it's hard...you go to sleep and it feels even harder as you recall the events of the day. I'm not often a quitter, but I was ready. Then it clicked.

YOU. CAN. DO. HARD. THINGS.

It's not necessarily something flashy or a mantra that I want on a shirt...but rather a reality I needed to speak and face in my own life. Some of my greatest moments have come from deep hardships and it's easy to forget the trial when you finally get to see the victory at the end. Not every day I will feel it can be done, but the truth is it really can. Some things take time, but not everything is impossible (truthfully most things aren't - except maybe getting Kai to stay asleep in his own bed...). So whatever your challenge or word for this year is - I hope you attach this to it. I hope you wake up and even on your most depressing day you see it can be done. 

It's going to be a great week friend.

Farewell 2014

So much has happened in the last month that though I've sat and written down my thoughts, I just haven't found a way to publish some posts. This year has been full of great laughs and deep heart aches. 2014 you taught me many things: how to forgive, to love without conditions, and to embrace myself more and more daily... but most of all the unfailing grace and faithfulness of God. Thank you so much for spending and sharing this small space with me. I'm looking forward to many great things in 2015 and especially more time here with you!

Be safe and enjoy bringing in the New Year friend.

Organization: The Meal Plan

My most common struggle with our schedule is meal prep AND actually sitting down and eating as a family. As we've really focused on our budget and begun to make adjustments to have more time together, I finally decided to give meal planning a go. Once upon a time I was a planner...so it wasn't too horrible at least starting the process to better organize our meal time.

Several months ago I was contacted by eMeals to test out their service, however, truthfully I felt overwhelmed with the weekly list of new recipes and decided to keep a folder until I knew how to utilize them. They are a meal planning company that sends you a weekly grocery list along with a week full of recipes each week! I know I should have used them sooner - but glad I figured out a way to incorporate them!

So of course after asking the question how do you meal plan? I was given some great tips and checked out Pinterest for some inspiration. I was able to find this printable meal plan calendar:

There are so many, I wanted to keep it simple. My first plan of attack was sitting and writing out all of the recipes I do know. Then I looked at the recipe lists I've been sent from eMeals and added a few new meals along with some from Pinterest. Under each recipe I listed the ingredients so I knew what was needed when I shopped.

Then it was time to execute. I will say that my grocery bill was HIGHER than usual, but I actually felt like I had realistically shopped for my family. Kai truly doesn't like to eat out much so I knew that this was in everyone's best interest. I will say all of this was the easy part - sticking to the calendar was my true challenge....

In terms of the calendar planning part I looked at our schedule and looked at days in which I could make extra (like Wednesday for youth service) and just bring the leftovers for all of us to eat. I chose Mondays and Tuesdays as my days to be creative and did include a cheat day Friday and Saturday if we wanted to go out to eat as a family or spend time with friends.

There truly isn't any magic formula when it comes to meal planning and I used a very simple approach. I'm so excited to have some structure to what we're doing and to keep up a routine that works for us. I was less stressed coming home when cooking and I even used my crock pot!

Kai is even pleased - that's a new dish may I add!

Hope you're inspired to test out meal planning!!

 

Life Thoughts: The Gift of Encouragement

It has been a full year and we are back at the Catalyst Conference in Georgia. Last year I shared my heart and wrote this post about my experience. Though I took away many things, my heart was full of a deep burden and many pensive thoughts about God's love for me and my growth and place in His will for my life. I felt that as I wrote that post and shared so much in my heart; I was a bit hesitant this year in returning to the conference. Not because I didn't feel that I took something away the year before (I took so much), but because I wasn't sure if this year I would feel at the same place in many areas of my life and not really moving forward. I've been in a place where I feel stuck, but it's been purposeful to cause me to focus.

Last year's theme was known and this year's theme is change makers. The line up of speakers has been phenomenal and I've come this year in a much more humble and contrite place that I've just allowed myself to learn and really take all of it in. Full immersion...no holding back. We arrived to the conference this morning weary and very tired from the drive, but definitely I've hidden a deep expectation in my heart. I wrote a list of things down recently that I've wanted to hear God's direct answer to and I knew that if I listened close enough this weekend would reveal many of them. Lately I've found myself saying:  

It's not that there isn't a message or an answer, I'm just not focused enough to listen and hear it.

Since going through the She Reads Truth app and opening my word...sincerely studying it I've had an amazing and extremely tough time with God. I realized how uninterested I've been in reading my bible and how much I've struggled with negative self-talk and constantly being doubtful of everything. My focus has been off and I've missed opportunities, because I can't help but fixate and compare to what others are accomplishing. But it's been an uphill trek to get back to a healthier and sound routine spiritually...and very much needed...

Okay so back to the conference and the theme. Today I spent most of my time talking to companies and collecting the myriad of free things that are available (I.LOVE.FREE). In between the conference I've been able to spend time with one of our church staff and a dear confidant on a one on one level. One thing I've always admired about her is that she is an encourager. No matter what the situation she has a way of encouraging and steering you into a direction that meets your heart's desire and your given purpose. It truly is her gift...but she just isn't any type of encourager. I think the word encourage is often used loosely to only define verbal affirmation or sometimes mindless ways we make people temporarily feel better. That's not what she does - she truly embodies the word encouragement in a physical form. 

This afternoon as we were walking I was amazed how easily she connected to others and made them feel not only important, but truly a vital part of the entire conference experience (even conference staff!). I love free...and I love free t-shirts. So on our way back to our seats, she had stopped by a marketing booth I had liked their t-shirt designs and jokingly shared how I loved their product and if they had any additional t-shirts to share one with me...and you know - they did. The gentleman at the booth shared that he loved my enthusiasm for their company and handed me a shirt. Yes!

Though I was extremely happy at the shirt, I don't want to forget what she told me as we walked away.

People want to connect with YOU. They want to talk to YOU and be a part of your life.

I by nature do not always do well in initiating time with others, it is something I work on daily (even hourly depending)...and I stopped to really take in those words. Simply because it wasn't just that you should connect to receive, but rather the fact that we as people love to connect with one another. There is a gift in sharing who you are not only for the one receiving - but most importantly for you. As I watched her connect with others and help them connect with even me, I found myself desiring to take on more of that quality in my life. Encouraging and connecting in a way that I never have before..in only a way that I can. 

Today was even more special, because I was able to meet a blogger and mommy that I met on Instagram over a year ago! Joleen from Love, Joleen opened her home and I could not have asked for a better time and moment to share. Words cannot express how grateful and comfortable I felt sitting and having coffee with her, just connecting. Even stepping outside of my comfort zone felt safe and wonderful. I've admired Joleen, because she was the first blogger to help me really get on my feet and open opportunities for me. I love and respect her work so much! 

Of course there are a million thoughts in my head, but if anything today I am stringing together this theme of connecting...in many facets and avenues. Life is full of surprises and reasons for me to initiate opportunities that I've hoped to have. Today was just a small glimpse.

Life Thoughts: Goals and Time Outs (Part II)

Earlier last week I wrote a post about setting some goals for myself and had hoped to share them by Thursday...and then within 24 hours Kai was down with a serious seasonal asthma attack (and ear infection) and I ended up with an upper respiratory infection and a double ear infection. So needless to say though my heart was to post and I even wrote down my goals, it wasn't going to happen. However, Mike asked me to rest and stay home today so I've had to take a time out - though I did
clean and have some laundry going in the wash...yes I should be resting, but my mind is feeling a little more at ease. I'm hoping my body can catch up to it soon.

After spending some time writing my thoughts down on paper I came with my 5 goals to achieve by the end of September and into early October. I knew if I did more than five I would be setting myself up. So here they are:

1. Complete the She Reads Truth study on time!
2. Focus more on personal relationships (i.e. snail mail and "just because" happy mail)
3. Spend more intentional family time
4. Blog at least 2x's a week 
5. Start & Finish a craft (even old ones) once a week - I'll be using #craftanddone on instagram

I'm definitely looking forward to really finishing those things that I've started since I can easily start and not complete. How are you with goals? I start off strong and then can be distracted. Share some goals you have for this week, I'd love to encourage each other along!

Life Thoughts: Goals, Priorities, I'm bad at Time Management

Almost daily I read several blogs, because not only do I enjoy writing on my own I actually love to read others. I came across this post by A Beautiful Mess and of course had to check out the blog they were mentioning. Looking further I found Elise Blaha Cripe's post on goal setting and it was such a great read! Truthfully it gave me a much needed fresh perspective on creating goals...and mostly keeping them. I really think if you have time, read the post (you won't be disappointed!).

Several months ago I wrote down tons of goals, honestly too many to count or keep track of. I want to start off small especially since my over achieving heart doesn't line up with my lack of time management or life schedule (if there were only 4 of me...). So I'm breaking my list up into months to see how things go. Tonight I'm going to look through my list and by Thursday I will be able to share what each month will hold for me to complete! If you have any ideas or goals of your own save them until Thursday and we can share here or catch me over on my Instagram!

I'm really excited...this is going to be good. Now on to that list...

Life Update: Simple Thoughts

I feel as if my head is above water today and I can finally take a deep breath, though I'm still treading to shore. In the midst of busy I don't stop I continue until I can't anymore...and then I push onward. I stopped by a nursery this afternoon while at lunch since I really have been wanting to plant a few items in our garden in front of the house. As I was browsing I stumbled upon beautiful hydrangeas. It immediately brought me back to summers in Long Island, NY at my grandmother's home where we would stay up late and be spoiled rotten while my mom was back in Virginia working (how I appreciate her sacrifice as a single mom more and more daily).

We had no cares, no responsibilities...and truthfully that time embodied childhood at its finest. Many things in life are simple if we allow them. I'm an analyst by nature - I'm even analyzing that sentence. But those flowers sure did stop me for a moment to remember and seek the beauty in even the most simple of things. I feel as though there have been little reminders to stop and reflect on those things that make my heart rejoice and cause my mind to be still. I'm going to be purchasing a few of these bushes very soon. The owner of the nursery told me this was the perfect time to plant a garden!

I hope you and I can both make room for simple sweet thoughts that make time stop around us.