Our Nest: Do's & Don'ts when knee deep in Thrifting

Remember when going to the thrift store was a bad thing? I remember those days, until I hit college and a friend of mine told me all of the great clothes she found at our local thrift! All of the sudden I realized I could look fairly decent AND save the little money I had haha. Once we moved into our home I really started to get into thrifting as my old job had a Goodwill right next to it.

I've had so many great finds, and definitely some terrible ones. Following professional thrifters like Amanda Rydell, I'm constantly wishing I could find a crushed velvet couch or the perfect set of vintage quilts. However, in spite of how much I love thrifting and the thrill of finding a great deal, over the years I've learned a few things that I hope will help you on your next hunt!

1. Browse around.

    Jumping on the first thing you see sometimes isn't always the best. When I thrift I browse the entire store and place items in my cart, though I may not keep them. It's always better to see what's around before settling on just one thing. I've found the same, a similar, or even a better find by simply looking around! 

2. Go frequently! 

    This is tricky, because you don't always have time to thrift. But I have found that going at least twice a week to your local thrift stores and shops make a difference in finding great deals! Since the best and worst part about thrift shops is they aren't like Target or other stores with consistent and abundant merchandise. So items come are constantly scarce and on heavy rotation. Going on a regular basis helps to offset missing something new. 

3. Do NOT overlook Quality!

    I've made this mistake too many times when thrifting and it's not worth it! Inspect your items, especially if it's a furniture piece. Knowing that you're not purchasing something brand new does not mean you have to sacrifice its quality. Some of our best furniture pieces are vintage thrifts, but I've learned to make sure there isn't any significant damage I cannot repair. I remember purchasing chairs that would need new cane webbing. I ended up tossing them, because the repair cost 3 times more than what I paid for the chairs. So in short - the best deals are the ones that are worth the purchase!

Marriage: Learning this side of Us

 

The best marriage advice I received was early on: "relationships are like a dance, to grow you have to learn and adjust your steps." Every season is like a new song, sometimes you can move with ease or your partner can. Other moments you both seem to have left feet and desperately need some aid on the dance floor. Regardless of the song, when you've found someone you want to keep dancing with you figure it out along the way. 

For the last two years we've been in a season of a lot of new steps and many forgotten ones that I've had to relearn. As much as I love watching other couples, my biggest "couple goals" have always been my own...but it hasn't been easy. After coming alongside my husband in ministry, many areas that we had suppressed, ignored, and put a do not disturb sign on came full force in our faces. Going from seeing each other for maybe three hours total (working two different jobs and schedules) to now being side by side almost the full 24...it's been a serious adjustment! 

 

These last two years of our marriage have been unique as our love and commitment have required far more actions than words. When the arguments have gotten ugly and the space between us has felt like a thousand miles emotionally - my heart's intentions had to step up their game. Nothing is solved in a day, but as we learn, grow, and mend some broken areas I've noticed 3 changes we've made in this new dance:

1. Acknowledging where things are at: Because it's better to feel the sting of truth rather than the heartbreak of a lie. Though we can laugh now, we couldn't a few months ago when we both realized "this should be a safe place, but it's not." Processing that we both were on edge in the majority of our conversations always caused a sense of walking on eggshells. Truth was somewhere a hurt or offense began to crack our safe haven between us. Before we knew it everything was heard, seen, and felt through a distorted lense. Acknowledging and speaking truth to one another has rebuilt simple trust in our communication and safety...it's a daily practice I know we must stay committed to.

2. Make the time: It's the kids. It's your job. I'm tired...we all know the excuses, so we don't have to make the time. Saying yes to everything and everyone else made it so easy for me to say no to Mike and vice versa. Time is precious and the best way it's spent is cultivating your most important relationships. Understanding that all really good things take time...your time. Push yourself to make the effort if you want it to work. So making time to spend without kids, making time to find areas of interest, making time to have sex (indeed - that as well), all of those things are so vital for both of us. As we've made it a priority my radar can sense now when we haven't... which is a good thing. 

3. Identify and Practice ONE area of common ground: If Mike were writing this it would be sex haha. And truth is if that's your starting point in your marriage to help things get back in place, then by all means go for it! But in all seriousness for us it's prayer. Our own spiritual walks are what brought us together and it's our strongest common ground - our love for Jesus Christ. So we start there, and it doesn't always look like long devotionals or time spent on our knees praying. It's looked like conversations about podcasts, articles, a book we read together, or even what God may be sharing with us personally. Intentionally talking about something we both enjoy starts to open doors for us to talk about other things. Like the days when you could talk on the phone for hours...remember those? Yeah, I don't remember what we talked about at all, but I can recall the feeling of not wanting it to end. Practicing and finding something you both can do reminds you that you both actually like each other before this season. For us it's unveiled areas we didn't realize were a common ground! But practice is so key.

Though not everyone believes in soulmates, I do believe that when you choose to dance and take a journey alongside someone else you mean it. You choose that person, because it makes sense in more areas of your life than you can count. In our truthful moments we've both wanted to quit and walk off the dance floor...it's not been easy, but intentionally changing has become easier as we practice it. 

I pray whether it's your best season or worst while you step on each other's toes that you're encouraged and try at least one of these three for yourself. All good things are worth trying and I'm a firm believer that this is worth trying. 

Motherhood: A Variety of Friends

I'm completely convinced that you need a solid group of friends that help you maintain your sanity...especially as a mom. I don't think I can count the number of times I've almost lost my crap only to be reminded that it's just a season, it's okay to yell, your kids won't die (not today), and you're freakin awesome at this mom thing. 

But I think the mistake many moms, including myself make once we step into motherhood is feeling like ALL my friends need to be moms too now. Because no one gets you like another mother...right? In many ways there's truth to that, but ever find yourself cutting really great friendships off simply because they don't seem to "fit" anymore? Shamefully I raise my hand, as I've felt bad cancelling, not wanting to clean my house haha, or just not sure what to talk about with my "no kids" friends. 

Over time, I've found a good balance and thanked those that have embraced my crazy boys while trying to have an adult conversation or excused my mess as someone just pooped in the wrong place or farts in their face (life with boys)... It's been nice to find how my variety of friends have kept all sides of my personality and life alive with the friendship I enjoy from each of them. As I sat and read other blogs about the top friends you need to survive I've made my own list! I'd love to know if you agree too.

1. The Veteran Mom Friend: This is the mom who has at least one more kid than you or older kids. They're the ones who remind you dirt is edible, don't fuss over everything, and you'll survive this stage of tantrums. They provide wisdom and encourage you to give yourself a very healthy dose of grace when you feel like you're missing the mark. This is the mom that is also you're go-to mobile pediatrician when you need to triage a situation.

2. The Trendsetter Friend: They are traveling, staying up passed 9:30PM, and have the best stories that keep you not so "momish." The friend who you can chat away with at whatever you're binge watching and remind yourself that you're still you even though motherhood is very much a part of your life now. This friend nudges you to take a few risks every now and then along with keeping you dreaming as well. Also you can sometimes vicariously live through their season and still get sufficient sleep!

3. The Fellow Mom Friend: You're both moms with kids around the same age. You can cry, laugh, and talk about all things motherhood without feeling like it's "too much mom talk." This is the friend that gets you in your season, doesn't care what your house looks like, and laughs when you both have stained shirts when you hang out. The one who will take your kids, change their diapers, and let's you in on a shared motherhood experience. This mom has a special bond and a sense of vulnerability that you both connect with. 

4. The Take Care of You Friend: Every mom needs this friend. A friend or friends that usually don't have kids, but love yours like your own. Yet they have a healthy dose of boundaries to keep in check that you need you time! They're the ones that help you take breaks and are great for adult conversation sans kids. The ones that hound you until you schedule a simple dinner date or hangout to replenish your soul. You always leave feeling better after your time together. 

These are just a few, because I know that we all get to enjoy this motherhood journey in a unique and special way. From my veteran moms to my trendsetter friends I love the mix that's in my life. They all touch on the myriad of pieces that make up who I am and keep me sane when I need it most. I hope your community is as diverse and full as I've been able to enjoy. Motherhood and womanhood is all about your tribe...make it an incredible one friend.

Farewell 2016!

Imagining what this year would look like as I do every year, I have to say I didn't expect many of the things that occurred. That's not to say it was a horrible year, because quite frankly so many great lessons were learned through what felt like horrible situations. Growth is never easy, but looking back I'm grateful for every bump in the road I encountered thus far.

The last few years I've done either a main goal for the year or even a one little word to keep my focus. Anticipating a theme for the year I realize is better than just walking blindly hoping that things just "turn out well." So with that said, I don't want to just share what's been on my heart, without providing the three lessons that helped me get there! So without further adieu, my top 3 lessons of 2016 have been:

1. In the BIG scheme of life... is this important? | Majority of the time the answer has been "no" which causes me to have to emotionally check myself as well as my intentions and priorities. It's helped me not lose sight so much of what I hope to accomplish in this season of life.
2. Don't just acknowledge your flaws, do something about them! | I've had to take a long hard look at myself in the mirror more than once this year. Accepting and changing areas of my life that I know don't help me have NOT been easy. Knowing I can be lazy, forgetful, easily irritable, and a quitter make me want to run and hide - but changing them have only made me stronger.
3. Have an attitude of gratefulness and positivity | Being prone to "Negativity Nancy" syndrome is no fun, and this year I refused to stay upset and frustrated over every little thing. I'm BEYOND blessed and I don't say that boastfully, I truly say that with a humble heart. Because every need my family has is met (honestly exceedingly) and to complain and fuss takes away from that focus. Changing my perspective has helped so much in enjoying my life in the present and what's to come in the future.

So finally, to step into 2017 my goal of this year is more of a character development goal. This is something I want to become rather than just do. My BE goal for 2017 is:

I don't want to list a ton of goals or strive for greater things as I've found in the majority of my bumps in the road have come from my own lack of consistency. I start and stop. To move forward and be where I want to this time next year, I know this is what's most important. I pray and hope that you too have found your focus for the new year friend! Be safe and enjoy yourself. See you in 2017!

Becoming 30! [part two]

Thank you so much as turning 30 feels like it has been my best birthday yet! From time with my family to the tons of love from friends it was such an awesome time and still is continuing. For the last few days it's been really important for me to accept that I need to be intentional this year. There are so many things in my heart and mind, I try to complete too much too soon. So I've set three all year goals, and I'd love to share them:

1. Consistently blog for 2016-2017
2. Develop a small group experience for moms of littles and use this platform as well for that.
3. Attend a blogging conference. 

Though I have more these are my main ones for year 30, and I cannot wait to really accomplish them. As often as I read about being goal oriented and making list, I do see the value in not just creating them - BUT really completing them. So that's the main goal, to check these things off. What is a goal you hope to complete in a year? I'd love to know!

Motherhood: Friendships of the Authentic Kind

Over time you can lose touch with relationships, especially with how easy it is to "appear" connected these days. One simple text, like, or comment seems to keep you up to date or even just simple stalking pictures makes you feel like you're there some how. Life is busy, if you have kids add an extra amen to the busy, if you have a job or two, stay at home, whatever it is the last thing often on your mind can be friends...I know for me it has felt like a luxury almost to be connected to women that I like and like me in all of my crazy.

For some time I started to distance myself. I've learned over the years that people will only take so many excuses and missed hangouts until they just stop asking. Ministry or just plain tiredness often translates "I don't have time," even if it's not entirely true. So I don't set my hopes up high, and I've learned to be honest with any new potential friends...like "hey I'm not uncool, but just so you know things can get really uncool when I can't be available often..." because I know my priorities are not sweet little ducks waddling behind one another - but rather a monster truck rally smashing into unsuspecting cars knowing the end is near (it's not that terrible, but you get the gist). But I am so grateful though for the friends and women that have come in and out of my life, whether they know it or not.

As a young girl I remember desiring so badly to be liked, to have friends, to be popular... I would do anything (don't tell my mom, even if I'm turning 30) or become anyone to "fit in." Then I grew up and still struggled with the internal desire to be a part or claimed in a group. No matter how hard I've tried I've always felt like I didn't quite "fit in." My anxiety after Titus took off on a level for many months that caused my normal introvert nature to skyrocket into a hermit crab/ borderline recluse. Which most people would have never known, because I still functioned decently in ministry and as a pastor's wife from the outside...

I've come to terms though with my personality versus my desire, but it doesn't stop me from knowing that I need friends and most importantly women in my journey. To those that say they don't like having women as friends, I tell them they just haven't found a woman willing to really be their friend: no strings attached, but willing to ride the waves of authentic relationship (including the fights). Once you've found one, you really can withstand the others that pass through.

I've been called a bad friend, I've lost friends, I've left friends, but in all of that I still value friendship. I recently went through several months where all of those things were happening. I felt terrible because the mixture of my family, life in ministry, and the overcast of anxiety really didn't give off the vibe that I wanted any friends or even wanted to be a friend. Most nights I cried, I felt stressed, I didn't know why I thought having a second baby was gonna make motherhood super amazing and easy. So it made it that much tougher that all my lines of communication were strained, and I was at a loss of how to fix them. Some still aren't, that's the truth...and that's okay.

Because in that time the stillness of knowing that especially in this season as a woman and mother you need friends, I had to get over it day by day. Less time appearing engaged and more time showing up face-to-face. As a woman we all need other women, from all different backgrounds and life experiences than ours. I love reading posts about the types of women you need in your life as a mom and I often laugh, because you really need ALL types of women. As women we are so complex and multi-faceted that it never really fits into specific categories and every season requires a change in friendships, because YOU CHANGE. I've just begun to realize that about myself more and more. The woman I am today is nowhere near who I was a year ago or even six months...and I become better when I have other women beside me to continue to nurture and foster the changes I want more of and those I need less of.

So with that I say...I've been called a bad friend, I've lost friends, I've left friends, but I will always be and need a friend to walk this life with. Women are strong beautiful and gifted and authentic friendships bring the best out of us as women, as mothers, and beyond those things.

 

Motherhood: Nursing & The Vintage Honey Shop

I'm on my second round of nursing. I don't know if it's been the break between Kai and Titus that has thrown me off, but nursing this time around has had far more challenges than even I expected. Not to mention I did deal with several post-partum struggles that set me back (I.e. Intense anxiety, mild depression, and regularly feeling overwhelmed)...

However! An unexpected blessing came through a shop that I've admired, followed (via Instagram), and loved since I stumbled upon them a few years ago. The Vintage Honey Shop specializes in teething and nursing necklaces for the everyday mama AND awesome ones just for dads too! I know they truly are the bees knees (humor me, you'll feel the same way promise). 

A few months ago I was accepted as a brand rep for the VHS, which was pretty fantastic as I've had the privilege of watching this small business bloom by the hands of two phenomenal women. From receiving my first necklace to purchasing more, this journey has made my time nursing Titus much more intimate and precious than I could have imagined. 

 

Here are my top reasons why I love VHS nursing necklaces: 

1. They're durable | though made of fabric, they've kept up with Titus' tight gribs, yanks, and constant gnawing.
2. They're easy to clean! | simply soak your necklace is warm soapy water and air dry...that's easier than my regular daily loads of laundry.
3. They're beautiful | I'd even slip in versatile. I've received so many compliments from others whether I'm in the store or just walking along the street. The patterns are gorgeous and match practically anything. Did I mention they have solid colors too!!
4. They're handmade | If you've been apart of my blog for some time you know I love small shops and always will. 

 

In the moments where nursing is the last thing I've wanted to do, I'll be honest and say wearing my necklace calmed me and reminded me of the gift I have to share with Titus right now. It's not a miracle necklace...but it is one that reminds you to stop, pay attention, and don't miss this moment. Cause before I know it Titus will be running faster than I can catch him and we'll be into the next season of this beautiful life. 

Marriage & Ministry: The Art of Taking Offense

image | estheroh

It seems that over time it has become easier and easier to settle for being offended, especially in church. Honestly the percentage of those who walk away from their congregation due to being offended, most likely supersedes any other reason. Countless times I have sat and talked with members who are simply hurt from gossip, misconstrued situations, and down right petty "I just don't like you" issues at the heart of things. Yet I rarely see a desire and push to resolve or reconcile when an offense has occurred...and I have to wonder why.

It has taken me some time to write about this topic - to put it simply: because it is a raw issue I encounter more and more as a pastor's wife. As if this has become the "season of the offended" - and the most offended has been me. From harsh words spoken about my husband to me or judgments that felt too casually passed on decisions that we've prayed and executed personally and within the realms of ministry. I used to think I had tough skin, until I received someone's unsolicited "thoughts" and needed opinions about myself and/or my husband. This is where things become tricky, because as a wife I am inclined to want to defend and immediately respond on behalf of my spouse, even jump at the chance to throw back some harsh words of my own! And somehow I have found that people in their good or sometimes hidden intentions don't think I may be hurt at all.

But if I do react naturally...how will that affect not just me, but the ministry, this position that God has placed me in at this time? My words no longer become my own and my actions are easily a reflection on everything other than a simple wife hurt by intentional or unintentional offenses.

So naturally I wanted to internalize it. Smile...brush it off...right? Instead I began to become bitter - even angry. Not the anger where you can yell and blow off steam, that anger that sits deep in the heart and sprouts roots that attach to your heart strings. The anger that when you see someone you intentionally walk up to them so that you can provoke and bully them emotionally through passive aggressiveness or unspoken gestures. And that began to concern me - because I've had anger like that before and it takes much more than prayer to handle and remove its clutches. So then how do you handle it? Truthfully, because I know as a wife that is one of the most difficult situations when you are a listening and supportive ear - but the information and criticism is about the person you dearly love...and in ministry it can cause an even more awkward situation as your job is to support, to listen, and to encourage healthy change.

So how do you handle it - I ask you. During time with the Lord over many tears and prayers, I had a moment of clarity.

What is the end result?

At the end of this offense what was I hoping to gain or lose? What would I allow it to do in terms of shaping my character positively or negatively... and even more so was I desiring to reconcile at the end. Because it feels justified to stay offended, you don't have to work at anything or than embracing and sitting in your emotions. But it takes work and even losing relationships sometimes to reconcile and move forward desiring to not be held back by the hurt of others' words or actions. 

DO I WANT TO RECONCILE? 

At the end of the day am I willing to forgive and not hold onto something that will only damage my desire to be closer to Christ and to remember that we are all still flesh and blood? During this season I have begun to ask myself in every instance what is my ultimate desire. Whether it feels right or the timing isn't when I want it...am I desiring to reconcile so that I can draw closer to those things that I know God wants to grow in me. A joy that surpasses understanding and remembers that I am a reflection of brokenness that was saved by grace and who am I to not continue to share that grace in my daily life. No this doesn't negate wisdom in how I interact and handle harsh words or hurtful situations, but it does begin to free my heart and mind to take it all in stride. 

Motherhood: Breast Feeding Essentials

Most of my days have been full of snuggles and lots of feedings...I mean a LOT of feedings. If Titus knows how to do anything really well (aside from being incredibly adorable), it is most certainly eating. Which is wonderful and a bit exhausting since I haven't nursed for the last almost two years! With Kai I had the privilege of nursing him until he self weaned around 13 months. As a new mom then I most definitely wanted to keep going as long as possible and was so grateful for sticking out my first breast feeding journey, since not everyone is able to have one. The biggest support I had through the adjustments and phases of nursing came from my sister, who gave me the best advice I think most women need to hear when deciding to breast feed - KEEP. GOING. It's incredibly easy to get discouraged through latching issues, cracked nipples, and just being tired - but it does get better!

So aside from a big hug and a healthy dose of KEEP GOING nursing mama, I wanted to share my top breast feeding essentials that have hands down helped me along the way! I'm hoping that if you don't already own any of these items that you will definitely give them a try.

1. Lasinoh Disposable Nursing Pads: I absolutely love these pads! I did give the material nursing pads a shot, however, it didn't really work for me (I lost too many in the wash...). I haven't had a leak since wearing them either!

2. Jason Aloe Vera: To help with tenderness and the joys of swelling - keeping a tube of organic aloe vera in the fridge to rub on after nursing has been a life saver. If you have an actual plant that is the ideal alternative, but staying moisturized is so important.

3. Medela Lanolin: This time around I've had a bad case of cracked nipples, to which this has helped immensely. I do love this brand and many of their other products, but this small tube does rank rather high in my opinion. It's completely safe for baby and you, so applying after nursing, after showering, or even right before nursing is completely okay.

4. Lavender Oil: If you don't have a friend already or know someone who is using essentials oils, I'm pretty sure you've seen them somewhere. Lavender oil has so many wonderful uses and has been key while nursing recently for me. Applying a few drops with aloe vera or even coconut oil have kept tenderness and swelling down as well. I would invest in a bottle honestly, you will use it beyond nursing (trust me)!

5. Water: I know, is this really on the list? YES. Simply because you don't realize how important it is to stay hydrated while nursing. Many times you don't think to drink BEFORE, DURING, and AFTER nursing. Taking care of your body is key, so drink up mama!

What are some of your favorite items to use while nursing? I'd love to add to my list of must have items!

This is not a sponsored post, I just love these products and enjoy sharing what works for me!

 

Our Nest: Refinishing Furniture

I still can't believe that it's almost been a year since we bought our FIRST home and have settled into the feeling of permanency... you know the one where if you paint the walls you don't have to dread repainting them back once you decide to move? The other day as Mike and I were working on Kai's room (sharing that soon) we laughed as we drilled, screwed, and hammered til our hearts' content - simply because we don't have to change it unless we don't want to!

As exciting at that can be, it is most certainly overwhelming figuring out how you want your home to look. For some time I've enjoyed finding items either in thrift stores or even on the side of the road to either refurbish, re purpose, or unfortunately toss. Budgets are tricky and since currently I don't have a sponsor for home repairs (Lowe's I'm available) I've learned that purchasing quality is everything... ESPECIALLY when thrifting! As yard sale season is upon us and the thrift bug has hit many of us, I've learned many lessons about picking out quality furniture and comparing cost to quality. Though I won't cover that here I wanted to mention it, because when I stumbled upon this dresser on a "freecyle" Facebook group I'm a part of I knew I had to take a risk!

This dresser was headed to the dumpster very soon due to no space and I knew it had potential. So of course waiting "patiently" in line to see if we could scoop it up I started figuring how was I going to refinish it? I have previously dabbled with chalk paint and found it was great, but can be tough to keep from chipping, scratching, or showing signs of wear relatively fast. So with a bit more research I tested a method of my own. I adapted my chalk paint recipe from I Heart Nap Time Blog. It was a bit of trial and error, however I hope to walk you through my steps!

When refinishing furniture you want to use either a semi-gloss or satin finish. I personally prefer satin. The color I used is called "Afternoon Tea" by Valspar. You also will need to sand any loose pieces of the furniture. This was a bit tricky because I realized the dresser had laminate wood, so using the previous paint I knew would be to my advantage - but I smoothed out the peeled paint.

 

This is where you create your chalk paint mixture.I used this as my priming base for the dresser. This is an option and a great one at that instead of traditionally stripping, priming, and then painting older furniture.

Mix in approximately 3 table spoons of water - make sure that your consistency is still thick, but not runny or chunky. 

Now to add your paint. I added approximately (I eye this, I do not measure) 1-1.5 cups of paint to the mixture just created (Plaster of Paris & water). Make sure that you mix this really well. I coated the entire dresser about 2-3 times to get a true coat over the entire piece. Allow for drying between coats!

Finally after the chalk paint mixture dried, I coated the entire piece 2-3 times with the pure satin mixture of paint. This not only sealed the piece along with the finishing wax I used, it provided the shine finish that chalk paint does not. Traditionally with chalk paint you seal it with finishing wax - but I find that finishing wax is just helpful when you have kids around... I am so pleased with the results!

and of course the finished product!

With simple hardware and a new coat of paint, this piece is exactly what we were looking for! I hope that this helps you in future refinishing adventures with your own great finds! As always I am testing and improving what I do with each piece, so hopefully this is a step in the right direction for you and keep checking back for any new tips!

Toddler Chronicles: Are you going to teach him Spanish?

Every time I see my in laws they ask me if I'm teaching Kai Spanish with the addition of when is the next child coming. Most times I tell them how their fluent son doesn't want to speak, and other times I will say I'm trying...but truth is I'm just embarrassed at how I sound! I know that seems pretty petty, but I'm not a native speaker although my mother is Puerto Rican - and speaks fluently... As a kid I loved understanding the language and often enjoyed speaking it to my grandmother, but found myself being made fun of by other kids I knew because of how I sounded...cue the violins. So despite truly developing my skills (I can read, write, and speak much more fluently now) even using it at my job, I always am a lot more insecure than I would like to admit. Not to mention all of my in laws are native speakers as well - no pressure.

So when Kai stepped on the scene (as children do), the first question was "Are you going to teach him Spanish?" Of course! I don't want my son to be the only one who doesn't know what anyone else is saying, or feel left out either. But we didn't really start, and my insecurity of how I sound made me even more reluctant to teach... until recently. I don't know what it was, but a little over two weeks ago I just went for it. I've started slowly introducing Kai to Spanish and speaking primarily to him when we're together now...and the crazy thing is he completely understands! I've found myself being a bit more comfortable as well in public, simply because my goal is to teach and the focus is no longer on how I sound. He has begun to pick up words here and there and understands when I give him tasks or directions. In addition his English has become that much more clearer! Who knew!

This evening on our way home, we stopped by the used book store (one of my favorite places) and picked up some new books to add to our collection. I also made sure to pick up a Spanish book to add to our routine (I was hoping for more, but there was a limited selection). You can catch my Spanish reading debut on Instagram soon ha!

However, I'm sharing in hopes of encouraging you if we are in the same boat! I'm going to incorporate a Top Five in this (I know sneaky). So here are my Top Five: Teaching Tools for Dual Language Development...toddler friendly of course!

1. Don't underestimate yourself! We often think less of our capabilities, which in turn causes us to never really start. You are a lot more skilled than you know!

2. Consistently Try. The end result is for your little to speak the language, not for them to become fluent within the next several hours. Just as we repeat ourselves in English, the same will need to be done in whatever your language of choice is. Also don't stress if you find yourself not speaking every single moment of the day. Yes the more you speak the better, but baby steps are just fine!

3. READ. READ. READ. Purchase a few books! Whether used or new, reading is an excellent way to sharpen your skills while helping your toddler become accustom to seeing the words. Some new books in our library are:

4. No Pressure! If you're like me, when I start a task I'm already critiquing how I'm doing and place a load of stress on myself. RELAX...again...relax. Refocusing my goal in just making sure that Kai has the opportunity to speak and understand Spanish helps me to not feel like I have to compare his progress to anyone else.

5. Have fun! Make animal sounds, funny faces, and remember the more you enjoy this the less work it will feel like. Learning any language even your primary doesn't feel like work (most of the time), so why should this?

P.S. Use the alphabet! Pronounce each letter and give examples. Even using the alphabet magnets on the fridge will create at least 15 minutes of fun...let's be realistic we're talking about toddlers.

We have been enjoying learning what los perros y los gatos sound like along with our new books! I will keep you updated on our progress!

Wise Decisions

We are buying a home. So much floods my heart and mind as I write that down.... I mean it's a reality now that brings so much excitement and fear through the entire process. At one moment you're jumping for joy and the next you're almost in the fetal position reminding yourself that it's all going to be okay.

It's been a long and short process (ironic and perfect), but if anything I've learned a deep lesson in what I often consider "wise decisions." We have been looking for a home for several months now, it's been on our list of family plans (you know the one with all the goals you make after you get married and before life kicks in). With having two dogs and wanting to really enjoy our home without the stipulations of renting it has been time (emphasis on two dogs with no yard...eek!). On one of our house hunting trips we came across a townhome in one of the areas we really wanted to move to. It was beautiful....seriously gorgeous. Having pretty much everything on our wish list and being in the price range we could afford, we had to jump on it! There wasn't much of a backyard nor was there a room in the basement as we had hoped for guests, but nonetheless it really was the best home we had seen so far. Did I mention the price was right??

After some discussion we decided to put an offer on the home. Mike wasn't fully settled, but I reminded him it was a really wise decision and we didn't want to go completely out of our budget (you know voice of reason stuff).  We told my parents and waited to hear back....we didn't get it.

I wasn't sad. I had talked to my dad and he reminded me of some things that we had prayed for and it wasn't a townhome or a small yard....nor was it a practical decision. Truth is I was extremely afraid (and still am as we complete our closing process!). I was afraid that the miracle we were praying for wasn't going to happen, and completely masked it by being wise.

I will note there is a difference in wisdom and fear - but man how many decisions are made really out of fear but we dress them up as wisdom? The crazy and wonderful thing is we didn't get that home or the next one (I will share that soon)...but our miracle home is exactly what we want AND need.

What decisions are you making that keep you from really stepping out in faith? I'd love to know and encourage you!

Insignificant

I love attending graduations (and we are headed to quite a few this year), mainly because there is always at least one thing I take away for myself. This past Friday we had the privilege of watching two of our youth students celebrate their own monumental moment in their academic career. Of course in between feeding Kai french fries we made for dinner and being a human jungle gym, I was able to take this nugget of wisdom for myself. Don't despise what appears to be insignificant. Yeah, I know if you let it sink in, it gets better and more profound.

As the commencement speaker charged the graduates of staying the course of their dreams and how too often society wants to down play the insignificant moments and decisions in our lives... I began to covet those same words as my own. How wonderful to think if we all celebrated the small things in our lives that seem so insignificant. Would we be happier? Less focused on comparing? I'm not 100% sure, but I've decided to challenge myself to 30 days of insignificance. Join in or follow along on Instagram! I'm really excited to see what lies ahead and what change I may see in myself.

Expectations

A few months ago my mother landed herself in the hospital with chest pains and concerns of a potential stroke. I took several days off of work and between my dad, my sister, and our spouses we all juggled filling her shoes. From caring for my grandmother to supporting one another and her, it was a difficult time.

Switching roles and taking on new tasks is never easy no matter the time frame. Even during that time my mom would call from the hospital giving instructions or checking in on us (I know how ironic). Though it drove me insane, I realize that as women we all struggle with this balancing act of our lives and the many roles/tasks we are many times given and/or we assume we have to shoulder. The superwoman complex is hard to shake and in a world where our lives are so easily accessible via technology the standard has been raised to an all time high. You not only work (inside or out) of your home, you cook, clean, care for children (or fur babies), try and still be a great friend, be a wife or invest into your relationship, and try to enjoy your own personal interests. That's a lot and if you're a perfectionist like me the expectation to do all of these with excellence puts the pressure on full force. 

Which has led me to having these recent bouts of anxiety... I never have been an anxious person, but I've found myself waking up struggling to breathe. Thinking of all the tasks I need to complete or deadlines I need to make and I become paralyzed for moments at a time. Recently when I shared this with someone they asked me a question I reluctantly answered: "Are your expectations too high for yourself?"

It felt like a curse word or something extremely blasphemous (seriously)! How could I not have this expectation of myself. If I can't maintain these things then that means only one thing: I'm failing. I must be failing, because I can't keep up. Asking for help shows weakness, taking a break shows weakness, etc... I am my own worst critic, despite my good intentions. I believe I can do anything and not only will I complete the task I will exceed the expectation. I've always lived like that...and to admit to myself I'm really just tired now is hard. 

Separating an expectation from the reality of life is a skill that if done well can really allow you to enjoy this life you're living. Not everything gets done and the mark is missed more times than I would like. Each morning for the last few days I've woken up and looked in the mirror to repeat these words:

I have enough time today to get what needs to be done. Above all else I can be the best wife to my husband, the best mother to my son, and the best version of myself. I can't control or fix anything else.

Do I still feel anxious...yes. Do I still have ridiculously high expectations...yes. But not as much as I did yesterday. Be the best version of you today, not the best idea of who you think you should be.

Wait to Bloom

In a time where everything has to be instant and we've become so accustomed to being impatient, it's hard to hear the words wait. During my commute to and from work I love seeing all of the trees in bloom. Today in particular I had a tiny epiphany when seeing these gorgeous flowers. 

All trees and plants look the same for most of the seasons until Spring. Once Spring comes around they all bloom to their potential, because it's the right time. 

Most days I feel ordinary in everything I do. There are tons of "working moms," small business owners, bloggers, etc and it's easy to get "lost" among the masses. Everyone is trying to bloom or expedite the process and end up dying out fast, just like the trees that bloom prematurely because the weather seems right. But when you wait it's that much more beautiful and satisfying. Others get to enjoy your potential and beauty through the entire season instead of just for a moment. 

So whatever it is...wait to bloom friend.

Be Encouraged

There will always be something going on in life. When you have a great victory there will also be a loss or a trial trailing right behind. Don't lose hope.

This week has been a roller coaster ride. I was supposed to be sharing great posts leading up to my anniversary, mailing out remaining orders, and checking items off my list. Instead I'm juggling taking days off without pay, loving on a sick baby, supporting my mom as she cares for my elderly grandmother who can no longer do much for herself, and still try and complete my full time workload. I'm overwhelmed, but I'm clinging onto this:

God is faithful...

The saying that "God won't give you more than you can bear" false. It's not even in the Bible (yeah I was thrown off by that too). It comes from 1 Corinthians 10:13 - Funny that I taught about this in Sunday School last week and then I'm having to live it out this week... it always happens like that to me. Many times we cling onto God wouldn't give me more than I can bear, when the truth is what you bear is to remind you of who is meant to bear the burden for you. I can't bear feeling split into a million parts this week - watching my mom's own health be affected by caring for my grandmother who is at her most fragile state in life...I can't bear on my own. Being tired from holding my little one while he coughs and deals with this crazy weather and not feel like I should be home to do more...I can't bear on my own. But I don't have to do it alone. Today I will remind myself I am overwhelmed but joyous nonetheless. 

Give your burdens to The Lord and he will take care of you. Psalms 55:22

Be encouraged, be vulnerable, be okay with not having it all together. 

Think Outside the Box

"I took the road less traveled...and it has made all the difference."

                                                                                

I started to journal again and I didn't realize how much I needed it. Over the weekend I took some time to really sit, pray, and think about realistic goals: mainly in the direction of A Blue Swallow. Truth is I think a hundred things during the day and I have great plans, but I just don't always write them down...because it makes it concrete and keeps me accountable. So I sat and wrote down my goals, hopes, and even dreams for the blog and the shop. Created an actual vision and direction that I want to go. Covered it in prayer and really reflected on some hard decisions I've made even this month and the decisions I need to make to better this vision.

Tonight I sat with Mike, more like he sat with me...because I'm not the best communicator even with things I hold dear to my heart (probably even worse when it comes to matters of the heart). He openly and sincerely asked me where is A Blue Swallow headed? What am I doing? I did respond with a side eye, but I digress. Mike has seen the long hours I've spent reading up on blogging and learning how to shape/create my own niche. The time spent painting and designing new cups along with the crinkling of paper and slew of supplies that has covered our kitchen table many times...where is it all headed? When I started this endeavor I had shared my heart, but kept it wrapped very tightly for fear of him "not understanding" which really was a lie, because he has been my biggest supporter. 

So we sat and really looked at profit, advertisements, money spent out of impulse/fear, and talked like people discussing a potentially budding business endeavor. Sure I initially rolled my eyes and felt stupid for letting fear have me spend that extra money I should have saved as a cushion, but I knew this talk was needed. Any great endeavor needs someone to sit you down and be honest and open with you. Ask you where and why you're making your decisions and do you even see the light at the end of the tunnel. He told me to start thinking outside of the box and be more strategic...stop confining the walls of A Blue Swallow to a blog, shop, and social media. Let it grow and include those you love along the way. Which is completely against my nature, because I am an introvert. But he spoke wisdom.

This endeavor scares me...quite frankly I'm terrified it will just be another phase - because I'm a mom I decided to be a mommy blogger, or because I can craft I am a craft blogger/small business owner. When honestly that's not what makes up my being at all. 

I am a wife and mother who truly believes that there is power in encouragement and gifts in the words we speak to others and advice that we share. I desire to be a platform for others that want to live out their passions and help be a rung in their ladder as they too achieve their dreams. I love small business, because it's unique and a breath of fresh air...and truthfully it takes guts to spend money with no returns when you start. I am okay with A Blue Swallow not being one thing, but a mixed up myriad of wonderful things that allow us to connect and encourage one another to be something better than we were yesterday - whether that's a better parent, business owner, crafter, or friend. 

Welcome to A Blue Swallow 2014.

Thanks babe.

Small business talk: Don't stop... don't give up!

The small business world is booming! Yes give all those go-getters a round of applause and those who are growing and expanding an even bigger one! But the hard thing about the creative world is, you start selling a product and then stumble around three...four...sometimes FIVE other shops who are selling the same type of product! First instinct is to of course "size them up" and the next is to have a mini panic attack that not everyone (including you) can be selling the same stuff... It's happening more and more frequently. This isn't even the first blog post about this (the irony).

However, there will always be 3 defining factors that will separate the fad from the truly booming small business. So don't be discouraged and see where you fall in line (and if you need to make some changes):

1. Quality: This goes from your shop appearance to your customer's entire experience with your shop. Etsy is wonderful, because you just need a banner to look "legit." However, how are your product pictures? Do you just snap quick pictures or actually have a set up? Are they uniform and have a story to tell? Then is your product actually of quality? If I wear it twice and wash it will it shrink to children's size? Or will the seams rip after short term use? And how do you treat your customer who wants a new product because theirs arrived broken? All of these things will separate you as a business owner time and time again... If you're selling a quality product don't worry so much about your cost and your slow sales initially - word will catch on! I worried about raising my shipping prices, but people don't realize I will replace any broken item free of charge.

2. Purpose: All great things have a purpose. It's a known fact and business ownership is no exception. Why do you sell your product? What does any of this mean to you? Are you selling simply to make money? Because you can craft and this is quick cash? Though money is not horrible (heck it's great in the right perspective) it can't be the driving force behind why your small business exists. Why you may ask... Because when you have a down season (they do/will come) you'll most likely quit. My last two shops failed because I had no true purpose behind them. Not because I didn't want them to succeed, but because I wanted to be great but didn't BELIEVE in anything great for them. Evaluate...then create. 

3. Time: Time has a funny way of coming around at the best and worst times. If you're a gardener (I am not...but I watched my grandmother revive a dead plant like four times) then you know it takes time to grow something that can withstand different seasons. Some of the best bloggers, businesses, and even friendships have stood the test of time. If you're just running a business to run one - you won't wait for time. Simple as that.

So don't be discouraged if you're comparing yourself this time around small business. In fact go make new goals, study and read up on how to market yourself better, CREATE A BUDGET (because this stuff isn't cheap!!), and make sure that each item you send is of quality, something you're proud of, and an item you believe in.

One Little Word...

I hope you brought in the New Year with lots of joy and most certainly with those you love! I was home with our little one while my husband rang in the New Year with our youth - we made sure to call each other at 12 though (I missed him, but am glad he could share that moment with them). It was an extremely quiet and peaceful way to bring in 2014. I honestly spent time in prayer and prayed over our home and the upcoming year. I haven't done that really in years past, so this was a nice change of pace for me...and much more intimate. I hope to be more intentional this year and am weirdly superstitious about starting the year off right so I did the laundry and cleaned the house before settling down. Do you do that? I figure if the house is clean maybe we can keep it up...I won't hold my breath though, life happens.

I was intrigued by seeing posts about one little word and inspired to create my own for the year. 2013 was a great year of growth and being ambitious regardless of the outcome. If I had to give it one word, it probably would have been acceptance. Learning and loving myself for where I am today and not who I wish I was or who I thought I should be at this point was really freeing and helped me move on in life. Switching my focus from what I feel I lack and what I've been given to embrace and allow God to continue to change and reshape is daily, but has brought a new sense of vulnerability to my stride.

So this year I figured I would start off the year with what has been stirring in my heart and my one little word for 2014 is:

Stewardship is the conducting, supervising, or managing of something; especially :  the careful and responsible management of something entrusted to one's care. 

 In striving for my dreams in 2013, I realized that I overlooked and sometimes just became careless at my own responsibilities in the process. Not with ill-intentions, but can't I just be there yet? Questions frequently in my mind were Why am I not staying home yet? When is this going to happen? And my focus became so narrow that I threw my hands in the air like I just didn't care (yes pun intended)... Which isn't the right way to go about anything. 

It was heavy on my heart for many weeks and days as I tried to juggle too many things at once. Ever want something so bad you just start living it out before it's time? Well I do believe all great things come in time. I know that I am to do my part in working diligently and allowing for God to do the rest. So how does this tie into stewardship you may ask? Well let's weave this tapestry shall we...

In life I consider myself and pretty much everyone a steward. My life: body, family, possessions, job, etc are all gifts that I temporarily am responsible for. I really do cling on to the fact that we aren't really taking any of this stuff with us...because it's just stuff. So in being a steward I'm responsible for the success or failure, upkeep, and overall health of what I have. How I treat my husband is a part of my stewardship... if I go to work on time everyday or am consistently late is a part of my stewardship... how I advocate and protect our son is the same thing.  

Stewardship to me encompasses my entire life and how I treat it. It raises a standard in my personal discipline, caring about my health, investing into my relationships, and achieving the goals I set out to accomplish. Am I going to be careless? Ride through things praying and hoping for change? Or am I going to see things as they really are and my role in life... to bring the best out of any and all situations I am in regardless of how I feel. Despite the fact that my heart desires to be home, I know I need to be the best at my current full-time job until that door opens. Honestly I felt convicted that I've had a hard time at work especially with missing days unexpectedly from Kai being sick. I've been in and out of this rut of my heart being home, but knowing the importance and responsibility at my workplace.

Then one day it hit me hard... why would God allow me to stay home if I can't even give my due diligence in my current work situation? Am I doing a horrible job, no - but I'm just making it. Kind of like when your parents wait to see how responsible you are with your room and your chores before they consider getting you a dog or extending your curfew? Though I haven't necessarily failed, I can't say I've succeeded either. 

So 2014 I give you my best...all of it. It will take some serious work on my part, but though I see the end goal I don't want to rush through the process and the lessons along the way. My heart is to be able to be a great steward of what I do have and along with that really is gratitude. We've fallen on some hard times through our almost three years of marriage. From job loss (both of us at different times) which turned into horrible credit, to no food in the refrigerator and even when a baby was on the way, to living in a basement because we couldn't afford our apartment anymore. To be anything less than grateful is a slap in the face to all the blessings God has given us over the last year. So I will take care of it, no matter how I feel. 

Every blessing, counting them one by one.

My simple 2014 goals are these:

1. Staying active and healthy 
    - Cooking 3 meals a week
    - Bringing lunch to work

2. Having quality family time
    - Giving my undivided attention when home with Kai before bedtime (between 7-9)
    - Actually having table talk during dinner

3. Keeping a schedule
    - Utilizing my home calendar
    - Planning things ahead of time with family, friends, business

4. Keeping in touch
    - Sending at least 2 cards/happy mail per month
    - Calling friends rather than texting them
   
I have several more, but I hope to start off with these and expand as the year goes on.

The hardest part is just starting

The year is ending and I'm sitting with my cup of coffee at my desk (because the office is still open today) while I playback all that occurred in 2013. This has been a challenging year, but probably one of the most intentionally successful ones.

I've learned so much about myself as a person let alone the many roles that I play daily. We went through a lot of change this past year from settling into a new home, balancing two dogs and a baby, building a youth ministry, being a shop owner/blogger, and learning what it means to love without emotions - and understanding/accepting Christ's love in my life...because the truth is it is a daily acceptance and commitment of growth for me. I can say this year has been for our benefit as a family and especially for my own growth. 

These are my top 5 lessons of 2013:

1. You only fail when you don't try: Most of the most successful decisions I've made have been out of trying this year. Even when I had absolutely no idea how to, just giving it a shot put me right where I needed to be eventually. I'm extremely hard on myself combined with an intense passion for perfection - which often leads to me spinning my wheels nowhere fast or quitting before I start. My shop opened with the help of my sister starting it for me while I was at work and even creating my FB page. It took off when I joined the Mug Swap and fell in love with hand designing mugs... I had no idea and made many errors (faded mugs, broken, and burned mugs), but had 107 sales from October to December! It blessed my socks off and I didn't sleep haha (thank God our little one starting to sleep through the night!) But I'm so glad this year I just started what I've wanted to for a long time...including this blog! I sat on Wordpress for hours at night (no wonder why I was so exhausted ha) and played with templates and googled a million blogs. I saved my favorites and eventually buckled down and bought a template on Etsy (best investment)... It wasn't necessarily in our budget, but in good faith I bought a sponsorship on one of my favorite blogs and she even allowed me to pick her brain! It has taken serious time to understand and a million mistakes later, but I can't wait to refine taking risks more this year.

2. Find the worth in your story: I used I wish my name wasn't Carmen simply because it's one of the most common Spanish names...but when I learned I was named after my grandmother who unselfishly cared for my mother after her birth mom left her on the doorstep for my grandfather to care for (yes very true)...never once telling my mom she wasn't her biological child until she was 23 and officially adopted her - I realized the value in my name and have carried that story in my heart since then. This year I've learned to value my story as a woman - my perspective, faith, mistakes, heart aches, and triumphs. Not only seeing that my story will never be like yours and not basing readership, likes, or comments on that value either has been very hard for my natural people pleasing heart - but a lesson I know I've needed for a long time. My greatest posts have been from my heart and from some of the most vulnerable places in me. I can only believe it's because that's where my true worth and value lies in the broken not so pretty places that God wants to show Himself in - and that's what allows me to free up my own prejudices and love myself more...

3. Slow Down! You can't do it all! The shop taught me this among many other lessons. November and December were my busiest months - I NEVER thought it would be that busy...and in turn out of my own poor planning/lack of balance with life - still working full-time outside of home I found myself running like a chicken with my head cut off. In turn I made silly mistakes I could have avoided such as sending an order to the wrong address and even sending the completely wrong design! I'm beyond grateful for my customers and their grace (seriously). I didn't leave room for life at all... Kai got sick multiple times during those months, I got sick, I still was trying to spend condensed quality time with my family AND get some sleep. It just didn't work and simply because I can't do it all. I struggle with asking for help and with planning. I used to be extremely organized then I fell off the wagon hard...so I gifted myself with a blog/shop calendar and have been organizing my work space little by little. I know I can avoid another mess with two simple things: 

The word NO & Time Managment!

4. Live! This year our little one has taught me the biggest lesson of just living. We choose how to define success and too many times it equates $$$. Sure we say the best things in life are free, but don't really see the truth in that. My best day out of this season was going to the park the other Saturday and seeing our little one love life with us. I can't buy that time. One of my resolutions this year; more of a promise is to capture those moments more. My husband bought me a camera for Christmas and I can't wait to snap away...not just for me - but for us as a family. 

5. You're not alone: I believe that's why people enjoy social media. As a mom I've felt alone most days, especially with working outside the home and seeing my friends be able to stay home and raise their children. In the late nights or early mornings when my hair is a bird's nest and I can't find the stupid pacifier or my husband insist on bringing little one into our bed (there just isn't room...) I've found solice in seeing all you other moms have your struggles too and being open and vulnerable about it. It's helped me stop being hard on myself when I can't figure out that screaming means juice or banana - or the realization that I am that mom at the store with a screaming toddler who wants the pack of Cheerios we didn't come to buy... Thank you. I love the community I'm a part of and hope to continue to grow in it for years to come.

2014 I can't wait for the wonder you will bring and the deeper vulnerability you will require of me. I hope I am that much more intentional than this past year in growing in Christ and focusing less on my own definition of success. 

Take risks, love harder, be bold.