Life Thoughts: The Gift of Encouragement

It has been a full year and we are back at the Catalyst Conference in Georgia. Last year I shared my heart and wrote this post about my experience. Though I took away many things, my heart was full of a deep burden and many pensive thoughts about God's love for me and my growth and place in His will for my life. I felt that as I wrote that post and shared so much in my heart; I was a bit hesitant this year in returning to the conference. Not because I didn't feel that I took something away the year before (I took so much), but because I wasn't sure if this year I would feel at the same place in many areas of my life and not really moving forward. I've been in a place where I feel stuck, but it's been purposeful to cause me to focus.

Last year's theme was known and this year's theme is change makers. The line up of speakers has been phenomenal and I've come this year in a much more humble and contrite place that I've just allowed myself to learn and really take all of it in. Full immersion...no holding back. We arrived to the conference this morning weary and very tired from the drive, but definitely I've hidden a deep expectation in my heart. I wrote a list of things down recently that I've wanted to hear God's direct answer to and I knew that if I listened close enough this weekend would reveal many of them. Lately I've found myself saying:  

It's not that there isn't a message or an answer, I'm just not focused enough to listen and hear it.

Since going through the She Reads Truth app and opening my word...sincerely studying it I've had an amazing and extremely tough time with God. I realized how uninterested I've been in reading my bible and how much I've struggled with negative self-talk and constantly being doubtful of everything. My focus has been off and I've missed opportunities, because I can't help but fixate and compare to what others are accomplishing. But it's been an uphill trek to get back to a healthier and sound routine spiritually...and very much needed...

Okay so back to the conference and the theme. Today I spent most of my time talking to companies and collecting the myriad of free things that are available (I.LOVE.FREE). In between the conference I've been able to spend time with one of our church staff and a dear confidant on a one on one level. One thing I've always admired about her is that she is an encourager. No matter what the situation she has a way of encouraging and steering you into a direction that meets your heart's desire and your given purpose. It truly is her gift...but she just isn't any type of encourager. I think the word encourage is often used loosely to only define verbal affirmation or sometimes mindless ways we make people temporarily feel better. That's not what she does - she truly embodies the word encouragement in a physical form. 

This afternoon as we were walking I was amazed how easily she connected to others and made them feel not only important, but truly a vital part of the entire conference experience (even conference staff!). I love free...and I love free t-shirts. So on our way back to our seats, she had stopped by a marketing booth I had liked their t-shirt designs and jokingly shared how I loved their product and if they had any additional t-shirts to share one with me...and you know - they did. The gentleman at the booth shared that he loved my enthusiasm for their company and handed me a shirt. Yes!

Though I was extremely happy at the shirt, I don't want to forget what she told me as we walked away.

People want to connect with YOU. They want to talk to YOU and be a part of your life.

I by nature do not always do well in initiating time with others, it is something I work on daily (even hourly depending)...and I stopped to really take in those words. Simply because it wasn't just that you should connect to receive, but rather the fact that we as people love to connect with one another. There is a gift in sharing who you are not only for the one receiving - but most importantly for you. As I watched her connect with others and help them connect with even me, I found myself desiring to take on more of that quality in my life. Encouraging and connecting in a way that I never have before..in only a way that I can. 

Today was even more special, because I was able to meet a blogger and mommy that I met on Instagram over a year ago! Joleen from Love, Joleen opened her home and I could not have asked for a better time and moment to share. Words cannot express how grateful and comfortable I felt sitting and having coffee with her, just connecting. Even stepping outside of my comfort zone felt safe and wonderful. I've admired Joleen, because she was the first blogger to help me really get on my feet and open opportunities for me. I love and respect her work so much! 

Of course there are a million thoughts in my head, but if anything today I am stringing together this theme of connecting...in many facets and avenues. Life is full of surprises and reasons for me to initiate opportunities that I've hoped to have. Today was just a small glimpse.

Blogger Week

A few weeks ago I received an invitation to attend the first annual Blogger Week: A multicultural festival of bloggers, journalists, and social media mavens. It's been on my Blue Swallow list (all dreams have plans I've learned) to attend a conference geared towards blogging, so I didn't want to miss the opportunity. I honestly will say the weeks before heading to the conference were difficult and I didn't feel as "prepared" as I would have desired. I didn't have an outfit planned or even business cards to provide to anyone - and to top it off I had just closed my shop to focus on helping my mom and focusing on my own family! However, not all was lost and though I wasn't prepared I still felt like I took away many things from it.

Upon arriving, I will say that my expectations did not necessarily meet my experience. Mind you I only stayed for the morning session so I did not get to encompass the full experience, but I was thrown off slightly. I've looked at different blogging events and I've always enjoyed the sense of really networking and capturing the essence of how diverse the blogging community has become. So when I stepped into the room and I did not necessarily see the multicultural aspect (which truly was the reason I signed up), I was disappointed. I wasn't sure if I was invited to attend the event because of my race or because of the potential of my blog and my skills. The venue was beautiful and the other attendees were very kind, I just didn't see the full spectrum I had hoped for.

Despite that aspect, I did find a wealth of information in terms of really gearing my blog in an expansive way as well as feeling encouraged that everyone starts at ZERO. From social media followers to blog views, we all start with no one and over time you grow. Keeping that into perspective as well as preparing myself to take more risks with this journey were more than enough for me to take away that Saturday. I am hopeful to attend another event, maybe Alt Summit when it returns to New York or if there is another local one.

This most certainly isn't my last experience. It was a great launching pad to get my feet wet and stick to the commitment I've made to A Blue Swallow.

Life Thoughts: A love that never fails...

Hubs and I are in Georgia for a few days at the Catalyst Conference. I was torn about leaving love bug home with grandma (but my mom's arms are the safest anyone could be in). The break has been much needed and it's been much sweeter to focus on hubs and us...and myself. I've been running a little too hard, and this break is beyond timely. When it comes to being in youth ministry our hearts are on auto when it comes to our kids...we don't have much time to sit down and soak in what God has for us individually...then today happened.

The theme of the conference is known, and how each of us have an innate desire to be known and embraced for who we are or what we create ourselves to be. Can you relate? Whether it's known at your job for your work ethic, online for your humor, or all around - we all like to be known for something. In listening to speaker after speaker I couldn't stop writing in my journal what I heard...my hand hurts! I was just a sponge soaking it in. But the thing I soaked in the most was Who knows me. I know even in writing this it doesn't make sense to some of you...but stay with me.

As you know The Blue Swallow is my labor of love...my baby...my dream. I have many dreams, but this encompasses it all in so many ways. Entering into any startup or facing your dream, it really feels impossible. I've been beating myself up and have had an attitude of defeat, because IT JUST DOESN'T LOOK LIKE "THEIRS!" I am not making items fast enough, I don't have time, I don't have enough followers, is anyone even reading this blog? I seriously say these things to God and He has repeatedly said the same thing:

Remember who you do this for.

I didn't create these gifts or impart myself with these ideas...I wish I could take credit but I can't. It's so much bigger than me and my own idea of success causes me to forget WHO I do all of this for. Why I love how I love, why I write, why The Blue Swallow is even in my heart. It's yes my labor of love, but really because I want to be known by how I show God's love. I want to be known for being vulnerable and being in that moment of need with you - because God has and still does it for me.

Confession: even in the midst of 13,000 Christians I felt disconnected. I talked to my hubs and shared that I did not meet or connect with one person today...I barely got others to smile and this is a Christian conference! If I feel like that...then how do you feel? I don't want that for anyone..especially when I know God possesses this unfailing love. Yes my love can be conditional and is at times or short lived...but His is not. I don't want to mess that chance up for you by not showing that love...I mean it.

Tonight I cried as we sang "your love never fails, it never gives up...it never runs out on me." Cause it doesn't. Through the most difficult times of my life, not once have I been forgotten. When I was on depression medication and extremely thin...alone and isolated - I wasn't forgotten. When I've screamed and yelled in anger at my hubs and forgotten grace and the fact he is a gift to me...still not forgotten. 

I have bad memory haha...but God doesn't. I know this post took a different direction, but I wanted to share my heart and why I love as hard as I do. I love because it is a reminder to me that God didn't leave me once. I just hope to share that something small and tangible with you. So even when I craft or share something new, know love is attached to it... I came to Christ because I couldn't believe someone could love me just for me. I can't fabricate that for you, push it down your throat, or make you do it... and nor do I want to - that's just not me. But In the midst of my juggling life and waiting (not so patiently) for this dream...I don't want to forget you. 

I want you to know unfailing love, in all things that I do. So if all I do is send you happy mail know it really is sent with nothing but love.