Life Thoughts: A love that never fails...

Hubs and I are in Georgia for a few days at the Catalyst Conference. I was torn about leaving love bug home with grandma (but my mom's arms are the safest anyone could be in). The break has been much needed and it's been much sweeter to focus on hubs and us...and myself. I've been running a little too hard, and this break is beyond timely. When it comes to being in youth ministry our hearts are on auto when it comes to our kids...we don't have much time to sit down and soak in what God has for us individually...then today happened.

The theme of the conference is known, and how each of us have an innate desire to be known and embraced for who we are or what we create ourselves to be. Can you relate? Whether it's known at your job for your work ethic, online for your humor, or all around - we all like to be known for something. In listening to speaker after speaker I couldn't stop writing in my journal what I heard...my hand hurts! I was just a sponge soaking it in. But the thing I soaked in the most was Who knows me. I know even in writing this it doesn't make sense to some of you...but stay with me.

As you know The Blue Swallow is my labor of love...my baby...my dream. I have many dreams, but this encompasses it all in so many ways. Entering into any startup or facing your dream, it really feels impossible. I've been beating myself up and have had an attitude of defeat, because IT JUST DOESN'T LOOK LIKE "THEIRS!" I am not making items fast enough, I don't have time, I don't have enough followers, is anyone even reading this blog? I seriously say these things to God and He has repeatedly said the same thing:

Remember who you do this for.

I didn't create these gifts or impart myself with these ideas...I wish I could take credit but I can't. It's so much bigger than me and my own idea of success causes me to forget WHO I do all of this for. Why I love how I love, why I write, why The Blue Swallow is even in my heart. It's yes my labor of love, but really because I want to be known by how I show God's love. I want to be known for being vulnerable and being in that moment of need with you - because God has and still does it for me.

Confession: even in the midst of 13,000 Christians I felt disconnected. I talked to my hubs and shared that I did not meet or connect with one person today...I barely got others to smile and this is a Christian conference! If I feel like that...then how do you feel? I don't want that for anyone..especially when I know God possesses this unfailing love. Yes my love can be conditional and is at times or short lived...but His is not. I don't want to mess that chance up for you by not showing that love...I mean it.

Tonight I cried as we sang "your love never fails, it never gives up...it never runs out on me." Cause it doesn't. Through the most difficult times of my life, not once have I been forgotten. When I was on depression medication and extremely thin...alone and isolated - I wasn't forgotten. When I've screamed and yelled in anger at my hubs and forgotten grace and the fact he is a gift to me...still not forgotten. 

I have bad memory haha...but God doesn't. I know this post took a different direction, but I wanted to share my heart and why I love as hard as I do. I love because it is a reminder to me that God didn't leave me once. I just hope to share that something small and tangible with you. So even when I craft or share something new, know love is attached to it... I came to Christ because I couldn't believe someone could love me just for me. I can't fabricate that for you, push it down your throat, or make you do it... and nor do I want to - that's just not me. But In the midst of my juggling life and waiting (not so patiently) for this dream...I don't want to forget you. 

I want you to know unfailing love, in all things that I do. So if all I do is send you happy mail know it really is sent with nothing but love.