The Small Things

 Every other Saturday, hubby goes to class and I'm home with this little guy. The past few days (or we could say month or two) have been challenging to say the least. I've complained and griped a few times...okay a lot - from being tired, to not being caught up at work, to getting sick... and most importantly to little man getting sick every other week since the weather has changed AH! This season does not fair well with him, and it breaks my heart. We have to be so careful that things don't turn into pneumonia (has happened...I wanted to kick pneumonia in the face) or anything else. So for lack of a better words I haven't been gracious mainly to myself and my supportive hubby who will often tell me I need to calm down. I've been impatient and cranky...just not a good look on me.

So it was a "mommy and me" Saturday and luckily I didn't miss what I feel like I needed to focus on today, and really every day since sickness has plagued our home. I'm sure you're thinking why is little man sitting on a chair with random white fabric draped on it. Well friends, that's what I use to photograph my items for my shop (best lighting outside - and you wouldn't even know until I told you!). I got a few shots in while the sun was setting and this little guy just started exploring our little deck. I couldn't help but just STOP... I mean really stop and focus on him. Everything fascinated him from our chairs to the fact I was watching him. The fact that most of his "life" right now is at daycare during the week, I am constantly missing how he sees the world around him. He is such an inquisitive kid and so full of life... He loves to take risks, but is never afraid to go back to his safety net (us)... I feel like I have so much to learn from him, so much he wants to show me about how I've been living and acting in my own life...

So I just started snapping away. Some moments he posed others he could care less about what I was doing. I just wanted to capture him - in this moment...and more importantly capture myself being grateful and thankful. Truth is I haven't been much of that. My words say I'm "thankful," but my heart has been one giant complaint...and mostly complaining about what is already happening for me.

One continuous lesson in my life is being a good steward of what I'm given. I've really seen so much in my life actually grow when I've taken care of it...and valued it. Sure that may be an easy lesson for you, but I'm not always patient when it comes to my dreams and goals. I want it to happen NOW - and when it doesn't I blame myself and become crazy (no other way to say it). It's difficult for me to slow down and to just enjoy and soak in the process. But when I do I see how wonderful it really is. I love these pictures. Now please note that he still explosively pooped as well as ate my sandwich instead of his meal (grass is always greener on mommy's plate...) - it doesn't mean that I didn't get frustrated and want to scream at the top of my lungs when the pre-nap meltdowns began (baby steps..)

But I vividly remember this moment, and maybe I'm just sharing this so I don't forget it. When I feel like a "single" mom because my husband is juggling just as much or more on his plate so we have to share the load in different areas - or that I just want to not have to sit in 1.5hours of traffic to get to and from work most days now. I just want to remember that all of this stuff is small stuff that I'm putting a BIG focus on. This little guy doesn't even care about anything other than making sure I'm available to hold him if he is unsure about taking the next step, or to share one of his cars with so we can have a race...

I remember being asked shortly after giving birth how I felt, and I remember wanting to cry and saying "I'm tired" and that person's response was "then you're doing it right." Anything worth having never comes overnight, and when I feel like I'm failing as a mom, wife, business owner, newbie blogger, etc - if it came easily I wouldn't appreciate it nor cherish it as much as I do now.  

I'm tired... but something has to be going right.